Sunday, January 19, 2025
HomeEntertainmentWorst Movies Ever Made Part I

Worst Movies Ever Made Part I

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nBad movies have been a constant since the beginning of film. Because making movies is such a gamble, what might look good on paper, could end up being completely laughable when brought to cinematic life. But of course, this fact does not stop Hollywood from making movies. Failed attempts at making respectable films keep coming out every day! The thing about films is that what one perceives as a bad film is always open to interpretation; I might find a certain film awful, while somebody else will think the same film is the best film theyโ€™ve ever seen. This is why youโ€™ll find such diverse lists on bad films out there. For example while Howard the Duck (1986) is constantly referred to by many as one of the worst films of all time, I happen to enjoy it a lot, and so, you wont find that one on my list. But one things for damn sure: there are so many bad movies out there I could probably write fifty articles on them!

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nEven though bad movie lists change with each reviewer because we all have different ideas of what makes a bad film, some films consistently pop up on everybodyโ€™s lists. These are films that we all universally acknowledge as being bad, some of these films have made it onto my list, but mind you, this is only the first part of a series of articles, thereโ€™s more bad movies where these came from! Iโ€™ve added some that Iโ€™ve seen and are very unique to my own taste. Some I have yet to watch like Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002), Manos the Hands of Fate (1966), Showgirls (1995), Cool As Ice (1991), Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964), An Allan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn (1997), Glitter (2001), The Room (2003), Son of the Mask (2005), and the king of all bad movies: Ed Woodโ€™s masterpiece Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959). Iโ€™m actually looking forward to seeing all of these at some point. 

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nSome of these films are disowned by the very directors and actors that participated in making them. Some of them are expensive Hollywood turkeys that died a quick death at the box office, others are expensive pieces of crap that made a lot of dough anyways. Some are obscure straight to video releases that are so bad they deserve to be mentioned. Others are so bad you simply wonโ€™t have any desire to even finish watching them! But letโ€™s face it, sometimes its fun to watch a bad movie. What? Youโ€™ve never purposely watched a bad movie? Take my advice, rent any of the films on this list, buy a couple of six packs and watch a bad film with your friends, youโ€™ll be busting a gut in no time. Enjoy!

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nTitle: Oblivion (1994)

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nWhy itโ€™s so Bad: To tell you the truth, I grew up watching a lot these ultra cheap Full Moon movies. Some of them were actually a lot of fun if I remember correctly; they never took themselves too seriously and they were just totally nuts sometimes. I still love watching Terrorvision (1986), my personal Full Moon favorite. Which is why I jumped at buying this dvd for Oblivion, a Full Moon flick that had escaped my radar. Reportedly, this was the most expensive of all the Full Moon movies, so I was expecting something special, boy was I wrong! This was the most boring film ever! Characters do nothing but talk all the time. You think that uniting the Sci-Fi and the Western genres would make for cheap laughs, but not even that. Itโ€™s sad too because the cast is composed of a pretty decent collection of b-movie celebrities like Andrew Divoff (Wishmaster) Meg Foster (Masters of the Universe) and George Takei (Star Trek)! Hell, even Julie Newman who used to play Catwoman in the old Batman t.v. show shows up! The screenplay was written by Peter David, which brought my hopes up since heโ€™s written a bunch of Marvel Comics and a couple of other Full Moon movies (like Trancers 4 and 5) but not even that could save this boring wreck of a movie. I do not recommend this oneโ€ฆit just goes nowhere; I kind of get why they called it โ€˜Oblivionโ€™, itโ€™s where films like this one belong. Incredulous as it may seem, this film actually spawned a sequel! Oblivion 2: Blacklash (1996)! Actually, the sequel didnโ€™t come as a result of the success of the first oneโ€ฆthey were just filmed back to back. 

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nItโ€™s Obvious Itโ€™s Bad Moment: When the only good thing about your movie is an arm wrestling scene that has an alien that eats your face off if you loose. 

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nBad Movie Dialog: โ€œI have hemorrhoids smarter than you!โ€

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nTitle: Troll 2 (1990)

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nWhy itโ€™s so Bad: Troll 2 is the king of bad movies, but itโ€™s also the best kind of bad movie. Itโ€™s the kind that you like to re-watch because you simply cannot believe how incredibly bad it is. Why has Troll 2 garnered so much fame as โ€œThe Worst Bad Movie Ever Made?โ€ Truth be told, everything about it is bad. You think youโ€™ve seen bad acting and dialog? You aint seen nothing if you havenโ€™t seen Troll 2 buddy boy! The acting and dialog is so bad on this movie you wont believe your eyes and ears. You cheeks will turn red when you hear the atrocities that these actors have to say. Not only is the dialog and acting bad, but the situations that the writers came up with are so stupid. For example, this is a film about Goblins (not trolls!) that have to turn humans into trees so they can eat them, because -get this- these Goblins are vegetarians! And they can be killed by throwing bologna sandwiches at them! You simply have to see this movie to believe it. Out of all the ones on this list, this is the must see one. Ever wanted to see a film that mixed ghosts, goblins, vegetarians, witches, Stonehenge, sรฉances, green food, pop corn and people who turn into trees? Look no further! 

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nItโ€™s Obvious Itโ€™s Bad Moment: When the family is in their car, and they all start singing โ€œRow, row, row, your boatโ€ horrendously out of key. 

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nBad Movie Dialog: โ€œIf my father knew you were here, heโ€™d cut off your little nuts and eat them, he canโ€™t stand you!โ€

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nTitle: Mac and Me (1988)

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nWhy itโ€™s so Bad: Thereโ€™s a thing about some of these truly, truly bad films, they literally make you cringe. Some scenes are so bad; you simply canโ€™t help feeling shame. Mac and Me is one of the ones that really stirs my bowels. This abomination was some poor dopes attempt at cashing in on the success of E.T. The Extraterrestrial (1982). The story is basically the same: an alien kid gets stranded here on earth and he befriends a human child who then wants to find a way to send him back home. Sounds fair enough, an E.T. rip off isnโ€™t exactly a bad idea; these things can make money if done properly. But therein lays the problem: this film was not done properly. At least E.T. had a personality, this Mac thing, is the ugliest little alien thing! You can tell it was made by people whose sole interest was making money. Case in point: all the freaking product placement! It really gets out of hand on this one! The most ridiculous scene in the whole film takes place inside of a Mc Donalds! The aliens drink Coca-Cola, actually, everybody does in this movie, and they do so from cups that prominently have the Coca-Cola logo on them! The aliens go into a supermarket so we can get even more product placement! To make things worse, apparently the film ran out of money and didnโ€™t have enough budget to show the little alien all the time, so they put a costume on the little alien for a huge chunk of the movie! Finally, the film offers us a sequel during the ending credits saying โ€œWeโ€™ll Be Back!โ€ Thank god they never did. 

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nItโ€™s Obvious Itโ€™s Bad Moment: When FBI agents end up inside of a McDonaldโ€™s chasing after an alien being, and the people in the McDonalds are spontaneously break dancing! 

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nBad Movie Dialog: โ€œYou know what I feel like?โ€ โ€œA Big Mac?โ€ โ€œThe mans a psychic!โ€

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Title: Knock Off (1998)

See also  Apollo 18 (2011)

Why itโ€™s so Bad: Well, Van Damme plays a fashion designer, that pretty much tells you how bad this one is. But seriously folks, if I aint mistaken, this was the film that marked the beginning of Van Dammeโ€™s cinematic demise. It tanked almost immediately at the box office and for good reason, itโ€™s horrid! Van Damme has to stop a group of international knock off artists who sell black market Jeans! Holy smokes that sounds dangerous! Add to that Van Dammeโ€™s lame attempts at acting and Rob Schneiderโ€™s comedy relief sidekick character, which is the same thing he does in every other movie and you got yourselves the perfect ingredients for a disaster. Worst part of the movie? Van Dammeโ€™s hair! Not even Tsui Harkโ€™s interesting camera moves save this one.

Itโ€™s Obvious Itโ€™s Bad Moment: Basically, when you realize that this movie is about stopping people from making knock off jeans that explode. Thatโ€™s when I said, really? Is this what this movies about?

Bad Movie Dialog: โ€œLook, the massage industry in Hong Kong is going through a really tough time. Iโ€™m just trying to help out the local college girlsโ€

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nTitle: Steel (1997)

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nWhy itโ€™s so Bad: First things first, this film was based on a spin off character that came out of the whole โ€˜Death of Supermanโ€™ storyline that took everyone and their mother for a ride way back in the 90โ€™s. You see, DC had everyone going making them believe that Superman had died. Cool thing about that storyline is that after Supes bit the bullet, four super characters emerged to fill in during Supermanโ€™s absence. One of these characters was John Henry Irons a.k.a. Steel; an iron worker who was once saved from certain death by Superman. After Supermanโ€™s โ€˜deathโ€™ John Henry decides to become Steel, dedicating his life to repay Supes by battling crime. Sounds cool right? Unfortunately this characters transfer to the big screen was awful. The big problem for me with the film is that it completely distanced itself from the whole Superman ordeal; it was not a good adaptation of the comic book character. Hey if your film is linked to a marketable and well established character like Superman, why distance your film from that? They should have embraced the whole Superman connection! They should have gotten a real actor instead of Shaquille O Neal and they should have tried way harder to make a good film. The dialog is awful and the suit that Shaq had to wear looks clunky and uncomfortable; a missed opportunity. 

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nItโ€™s Obvious Itโ€™s Bad Moment: When you see that the suit that Steel wears, which is supposed to be made out of steel, actually bends as if it was made out of plastic; which it obviously was. 

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nBad Movie Dialog: โ€œEat the Hot Dog, donโ€™t be one!โ€

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nTitle: Double Dragon (1994)

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nWhy itโ€™s so Bad: The only thing this movie got right was castingnAlyssa Milano who looks extremely hot through out the whole movie, everythingnelse, is such a disappointment! This film is all about an evil douche bagncalled Koga Shuko (Robert Patrick) who wants to own the double dragonnmedallion, a mystical medallion that can grant him awesome powers. Why does henwant it? To rule New Los Angeles, cause heโ€™s bad that way. Problem is that thenLee Brothers own the second half of the medallion, and until both halves arenunited, Shuko wont have full power. The biggest problem with this film wasngiving it to a director whose previous directorial efforts included directingnthe Billboard Music Awards for various years, directed a New Kids on the Block televisionnspecial and lets not forget he also directed Debbie Gibson and Phil Collinsโ€™snlive concertsโ€ฆin other words, not the best guy to direct a feature film. Maybenthat explains why Robert Patrickโ€™s character looks like Vanilla Ice? I donโ€™t know.nA lot of things just didnโ€™t work on this show. For starters, the martial artsnon this film are a joke! I mean, I know this film was pre-Matrix and want not,nbut damn, these kids look like they donโ€™t know a damn about martial arts! In anfilm that is based on martial arts, it seems this would have been somethingnthey could have paid more attention to, but like many things on this film, thenresults were mediocre.

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nItโ€™s Obvious Itโ€™s Bad Moment: Shuko has two henchmen callednHewi and Lewis. When he sees them he says โ€œAh! Huey! Lewis! Any news?โ€

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nBad Movie Dialog: โ€œGreat! The Power Corps are midgets!โ€

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nTitle: Breakinโ€™ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984)

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nWhy itโ€™s so Bad: It comes to us from the director of allnthose crappy โ€˜Ninjaโ€™ movies that came out during the 80โ€™s so take that for whatnits worth. But honestly, this one is terrible, so terrible it needs to be seen.nThis time around, the break dancing kids have to stop an evil corporation fromndemolishing a community center where the kids like to dance, so they decide tondo a Marathon where people can come and donatentheir money to stop the evil corporate bastards; which of course is one of thenmost generic plot devices ever put to celluloid. Recently, this same plot wasnre-used in The Muppets (2011). What makes this one so bad? Well, I found it reallynfunny that no matter what is happening, where characters go or what theyndoโ€ฆeverybody is always dancing, dancing, dancing! Now I realize that this is tonbe expected in a movie about break dancing, but damn, even when they go into anhospital because Ozone breaks his leg they start dancing! So much so thatnsuddenly Ozoneโ€™s broken leg is healed by the magic of dancing! One moment he isnin a wheelchair and suddenly, dancing starts to happen and voila! Heโ€™s cured!nRandom musical numbers pop out of nowhere, for no reason! To make things worse,nthis film completely ignores the ending of the first film where the kids endednup doing a show on Broadway! What happened after that night? Did their shownbomb? Did they not achieve their dancing dreams? Characters do things thatncanโ€™t happen in real life -like dancing on the ceiling- and everybody seems tontake things like this for granted. Okay, thereโ€™s a guy dancing upside down onnthe ceiling, cool! Characters on this film are even bigger fashion victims thennon the first film, some of the stuff these guys wear, wow. What the film doesndo is serve as a nice time capsule to the crazy 80โ€™s and, same as Troll 2, thisnone entertains because it is so atrocious.

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nItโ€™s Obvious Itโ€™s Bad Moment: The two main characters startnshowing each other how to dance with a girl, pretty soon, they start fightingnover a rag doll that they mistake for each others girlfriends? You have to seenit to believe it. 

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nBad Movie Dialog: โ€œGirls are whack man!โ€

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nTitle: Super Mario Bros. The Movie (1993)

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nWhy itโ€™s so Bad: Again, same as Double Dragon they justndidnโ€™t translate the elements of the video game successfully to the screen. Thenkids who played the Super Mario games (like myself for example) wanted to seenLuigi and Mario fighting giant fire breathing turtles and jumping throughnclouds in a Mushroom Kingdomโ€ฆnot fighting Dennis Hopper and his de-evolutionngun or riding in stolen police cars. The film had some impressive things aboutnit, like for example its production values and art direction; reportedly thenfilm cost somewhere around 42 million. Thatโ€™s a lot for the first video gamenmovie ever made. Considering that the film is based on one of the mostnsuccessful video games ever, this film should have been a huge success!nUnfortunately, the filmmakers were afraid to fully embrace the video gamenelements and so gamers all around the world hated the film. Maybe if it had notnbeen called Super Mario Bros. I wouldnโ€™t have been as disappointed. On its own,nthe movie has itโ€™s moments I guess. But even the actors knew this film wasngoing down the drains; both John Leguizamo and Bob Hoskins got drunk to make itnthrough the shoot. Bob Hoskins himself said that this was the worst film henever did. But without a doubt the biggest problem the film ever had was thatnthe directors wanted a more adult film, while the studio wanted a kiddy film.nThat tug of war resulted in this mess of a film. Hopefully somebody out therenwill do the game justice some day and make a decent Super Mario Bros. movie.nBut then again, we should have known better; the poster did warn us bynprominently featuring the words: โ€œThis Aint No Game!โ€

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nItโ€™s Obvious Itโ€™s Bad Moment: When you realize that Koopaโ€™snde-evolution gun is really just a spray painted Super Nintendo Gun.  

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nBad Movie Dialog: โ€œHand out the de-evolution guns! Preparenfor destiny! Whereโ€™s my Pizza?โ€

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nTitle: Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)

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nWhy itโ€™s so Bad: Wow, let me count the waysโ€ฆthe first filmnis a serious film, a classic. It took the elements found in the Superman comicnbooks and effectively used them to bring Superman to life in a believablenfashion. The film didnโ€™t feel like a comic book to me. It felt real. Andntherein lies the problem with Superman IV: The Quest for Peace; it feels toonmuch like a Saturday morning cartoon, or an extremely childish comic book.nWhile Gene Hackmanโ€™s Lex Luthor had always been a slightly comedic character,non Superman IV heโ€™s turned into a silly villain, with an even silliernnephew/henchman. The big problem with this one was its budget. It started at 36nmillion and was slashed down to 17 by Cannon films who was going bankrupt atnthe time. This was actually one of their last films before going totally caput.nThe budgetary problems brought this film down in quality. The visual effects arencompletely laughable and the script; wow. Who the hell directed this film? Itncertainly wasnโ€™t Richard Donner who had helmed the first one, but declined tondo this one. Richard Lester, the guy behind Superman III (1983) decided not to involvenhimself with this one either. Hell, even Wes Craven declined over creativendifferences with Christopher Reeves. I guess the miniscule budget scared themnall away. And with good reason, they knew they couldnโ€™t do a proper Supermannmovie with so little money. Sidney J. Furie ended up directing. Heโ€™s the guynbehind Iron Eagle I (1986), Iron Eagle II (1988) and The Entity (1982). In thenend, Superman IV had noble intentions and themes; unfortunately the executionnwas cheesy as hell. Nuclear Man looks like something out of โ€˜Wrestlemaniaโ€™ forncrying out loud! Characters go into space and are unaffected by the laws ofngravity or space itself! The moon looks like a cheesy set! Nuclear Mans nailsnlook like they were done in a nail salon! The cheesy/bad movie wonders neverncease with this one.        

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nItโ€™s Obvious Itโ€™s Bad Moment: In order to grab Supesnattention, Nuclear Man grabs  LacynWarfield (a Daily Bugleโ€™s reporter) with him to space; she apparently has nonproblems breathing in the vacuum of space, where there is no oxygen.    

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nBad Movie Dialog: โ€œNow Leonard, your uncle Lex, with thisnprotoplasm that Iโ€™ve grown from Supermanโ€™s hair cells, will duplicate creationnitself!โ€

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nTitle: Conan The Barbarian (2011) and Pathfinder (2007)

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nWhy itโ€™s so Bad: I have to do a double whammy here becausenboth of these abominations come from the same director: Marcus Nispel. Whatnbothers me about Nispel and his films is that he is given a budget, andneverything necessary to make a good movie, yet he fails. Why? Because Nispel isnmissing the most important element: talent. Marcus Nispel is a hack of andirector, sorry, but none of his films have impressed me. Okay, maybe I didnlike his take on the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), but thatโ€™s about as far asnmy appreciation for this guy goes. In fact, most of his films have disappointednme. Case in point this poorly executed Conan film. It single handedly takes thenConan character and turns it into a silly cartoon. You donโ€™t feel a connectionnto this character who comes off as something of an asshole through out thenwhole film. Itโ€™s not like when Schwarzenegger portrayed him, where you feltnidentified in a way with the character, hell, we even feel some sympathy fornConan in Milliusโ€™s film; not so with this new Conan whoโ€™s an arrogant prick.nJohn Millius, the director behind Conan The Barbarian (1982) took the characternand turned him into something believable, even if the story took place in anfantasy land. Thatโ€™s what I love about that first Conan movieโ€ฆit feels real.nThis thing that Marcus Nispel directed feels like a bunch of actors walkingnaround crappy looking sets and green screens. Thereโ€™s something horrible aboutnNispel films, they are terribly edited to the point where you loose track ofnwhatโ€™s going, thereโ€™s no continuity, no flow to his style of editing, this isnsomething I came to notice while watching Pathfinder (2007), Nispelโ€™s firstnattempt at making a film that was similar to Conan, actually, it was a blatantnrip off of the original Conan film. It was obvious while watching Pathfindernthat Nispel loved Conan, Pathfinderโ€™s story is copy pasted from Milliusโ€™s film.nAnd yet the irony! He was given the opportunity to make a bonafide Conan filmnand what does he do? He blows it. Buttom line: Nispel had big shoes to fill andndidnโ€™t live up to the promise. Both films sucked: his Conan rip-off, and hisnactual Conan film.   

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nItโ€™s Obvious Itโ€™s Bad Moment:  When Conan meets up with his pirate sidekicknand the boat looks like this tiny little boat, Nispel obviously failed to makenit look bigger. 

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nBad Movie Dialog: โ€œRun from me and I will tear the mountainsnapart to find you!โ€

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nTitle: Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

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nWhy itโ€™s so Bad: Itโ€™s bad because its stupid as hell thatโ€™snwhy. First of all, we have to accept the fact that this shark is somehownrelated to the sharks that died in the previous films, and that itโ€™s out tonavenge the death of his fellow sharks? How does that happen? Do these sharksnposses the ability to speak telepathically? That right there is enough for me,nbut then we have to believe that this shark traveled from Amity Islandnto The Bahamas to exact its revenge? Preposterous! The tagline for the film:nโ€œThis Time Itโ€™s Personal!โ€ How does a shark take it personal? Who the hellnknows! Who was the freaking lame-o who wrote this script? Whoโ€™s to blame fornthis turkey? Itโ€™s no surprise that Joseph Sergeant, this films โ€œdirectorโ€ wasnnominated for worst director in the 1987 Golden Raspberry Awards; he shouldnhave won that award as far as Iโ€™m concerned, but the award went to Elaine Maynfor Ishtar (1987) instead. Are you kidding me? Ishtar is Oscar material next tonJaws: The Revenge! Those Golden Raspberry Awards are a rip off! But wait! Maybenthe Golden Raspberry Awards arenโ€™t that bad: Jaws The Revenge won that year fornWorst Visual Effects! Considering there are NO visual effects on that movie,nIโ€™ve confirmed it; The Golden Raspberries arenโ€™t worth shit. Even sadder,nMichael Caine couldnโ€™t attend the Oscar to pick up his academy award for Hannahnand Her Sisters (1986) because he was making this piece of crap; ironic inndeed!     

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nItโ€™s Obvious Itโ€™s Bad Moment: When the shark comes out ofnthe water in the films big finale, it screams and roars, an impossible feat forna shark, especially when we take in consideration that sharks have no lungs ornvocal cords with which to roar with. Also, the sharks roar sounds like that ofna dinosaur!   

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nBad Movie Dialog: โ€œIf I go any faster, this thing will turnninto a flying Cuisinart and weโ€™ll all be diced into oblivion!โ€

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nTitle: Garbage Pail Kids (1987)

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nWhy itโ€™s so Bad: Why? One look at this movie and youโ€™llnknow. The dialog, the production values, the stupidity. Okay, I know whatnyouโ€™re saying, this is a Garbage Pail Kids movie, what did you expect? Truth ofnthe matter is that I really donโ€™t think this film should have ever been made.nThere is no explanation as to why these creatures exist! The cards, which werenawesome to collect as a kid (I know because I collected them for the longestntime) simply existed to amuse and gross you out with their crazy ideas. Therenwas never a back story to the crazy drawings depicted in the cards, and thenfilm did a terrible job of giving them one. The Garbage Pail Kids supposedlyncome out of some magical garbage can with the help of a magical book, or somethingnlike that. The film was aimed at kids, but the situations were not for them,nthe film doesnโ€™t even get its themes straight! Is being different good or bad?nAre we against the freaks or for them? The Garbage Pail Kids themselves looknawful, the designs and puppets just make the look freaky and kind of scary.nYouโ€™ll gawk at the screen in shame, but you wonโ€™t be able to believe how thisnone is; this is an awkward film to watch; literally one of the biggestnabortions to grace the silver screen. It should have never been made.

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nItโ€™s Obvious Itโ€™s Bad Moment: The main characters in thisnfilm, The Garbage Pail Kids spend 90% of the film peeing, vomiting and farting.nYou do the math.   

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nBad Movie Dialog: โ€œRats and thunder, wind and hail, sendnthese kids back into the pailโ€

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nTitle: 10,000 BC (2008)

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nWhy itโ€™s so Bad: Normally, Roland Emerich makes big budgetnbad movies that can be enjoyed on one level or another. Most of the times hisnbig budget spectacles have cool effects and action like 2012 (2009) or IndependencenDay (1996), but the fact that his movies are about as commercial and vapid asnfilms can get, there is no question. 10,000 B.C. takes the taco there. Godnwhere to begin, well, first off there are the historical inaccuracies. Nothingnin this movie makes sense! Caveman speaking in perfect English? Now thisnreally, really bothered me because cavemen spoke in their own primitivenlanguage that wasnโ€™t even properly formed yet, they probably couldnโ€™t evenncommunicate properly, yet on this film they are so articulate, so well versed!nEven the cavewomen look as if theyโ€™ve just put on make up? And then on top ofnall these things, we have to deal with bad CGI creatures? I was expectingnsomething like Quest for Fire (1981), but with better looking Mammoths; now thereโ€™sna good movie about cavemen! That one at least felt real, this big budgetnabomination was an insult to my intelligence. Plus, it was the same damn storynthat Emmerich used for Stargate (1994)! The characters even look alike! Then wenalso have to deal with the notion of romantic cavemenโ€ฆwhich seemed so stupid tonme; during those days, cavemen didnโ€™t romance women, they just grabbed them bynthe hair and had their way with them! But whatever, such is the way of antypical Hollywood blockbuster, trying to glossnthings over beyond recognition.    

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nItโ€™s Obvious Itโ€™s Bad Moment:  When cavemen start talking in english 

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nBad Movie Dialog: โ€œDo not eat me when I save your life!โ€

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nTitle: Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity (1987)

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nWhy itโ€™s so Bad:  Thisnis one that is so bad that itโ€™s good, how do I know this is a bad movie? Wellnfor starters this is one of those movies that is so cheap, that itโ€™s all aboutncharacters running from one set to the other, I only counted three setsโ€ฆandnthey were all half assed. The girls go from the castle, to the jungle, thennback to the castleโ€ฆthen back to the jungle. And the jungle set..wow, you couldntell it was a bunch of plants on a set; njust terrible, but funny in a low budget sort of way. The tag line fornthis movie was โ€œBig Production. Big Movie. Big Girls!โ€ Well, the got one thingnright, the one salvaging thing about this movie are the two air head blondenbimbos who star in it. They spend most of their time scantly clad, so much so,nthat the filmmakers found a way to have these girls walking around in lingerienfor most of the film! How sleazy is that!? So anyways, the film starts out withnthese two slave girls escaping their space prison (it is NEVER explained whynthey were imprisoned in the first place, they just are) and end up crashnlanding on a jungle planet. They then end up in this castle, which I swear isnstraight out of a Hammer film, where they meet ZED, the villain of the film,nwho acts and talks exactly like Count Dracula! He welcomes the girls to hisncastle and then attempts to kill them! And the things these girls sayโ€ฆpurenb-movie gold! Example: โ€œI am so dazzling, people have to wear sunglasses!โ€  If it wasnโ€™t for the one liners and thengirls, I might have fallen asleep while watching this one, because truth be told,nit is a bloody bore. Still, the cheesiness can be entertaining. Recommend thisnone if you are interested in seeing one of the worst films ever made, and laughnwhile doing it.   

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nItโ€™s Obvious Itโ€™s Bad Moment:  When the girls crash land on the alien planet,nwe never even see the crash, the film just cuts straight to the girls walkingnthrough the jungle.

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nBad Movie Dialog: โ€œSomething tells me thereโ€™s more in thisnjungle than meets the eyeโ€

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nWorst green screen ever

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n Title: Ballistic Eck vs. Sever (2002)

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nWhy itโ€™s so Bad: Some movies just make it so easy for me tonhate them. Ballistic: Eck Vs. Sever is one of them. I saw this at the movientheater (I had no idea) and the audience was actually laughing at the film!nPeople were not laughing at one liners (like in a normal action film) peoplenwere laughing at how bad the movie was! The terrible acting, the horriblynobvious green screens, the nonsensical happenings! This film was made by a  filmmaker from Thailandn(Wych Kaosayananda) who had success in his country with a film he made and wasngiven the opportunity to make his first Hollywood film, unfortunately, said Hollywood film was Eck Vs. Sever. It is no surprise thisnfilm is #1 on many โ€œWorst Films Ever Madeโ€ lists. It just makes no sense. Fornexample, the film has us follow these FBI agents, yet the film takes place in Canada?nWhere the FBI has no jurisdiction? Antonio Banderas is obviously spewing hisnlines as quickly as possible so he can get over it and cash that check! Evennworse is the fact that the video game, which was released a few months beforenthe film, was praised more than the movie was! n

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nItโ€™s Obvious Itโ€™s Bad Moment: When Sever crashes her carninto another one and both cars explode, she still walks away unharmed, withoutna single scratch! Guns shoot backwardsโ€ฆthe list just goes on and on.  

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nBad Movie Dialog: โ€œThere are no innocent people in thisnworld Sever, only killers and victimsโ€

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nTitle: Leonard Part 6 (1987)

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nWhy itโ€™s so Bad: Leonard Part 6 (never mind the fact thatnthere were never previous Leonard movies!) is a film that is so bad that BillnCosby himself urged people not to go see it even though he starred, wrote andnproduced the damned thing! Last time I saw that happen was with Jet Li, whonpublicly despised WAR (2007) even though he starred in it. Hell, Bill Cosbynhates this movie so much that he went and bought the television rights to thenfilm so it could never air on television! Now thatโ€™s something right there! Kindnof reminds me of how Kubrick tracked down all his early films so no one couldnsee them because he was ashamed of them. But letโ€™s face it, Bill Cosby is nonKubrick, and neither is this films director, a guy by the name of Paul Weiland.nWhat else did he direct? A lot of television thatโ€™s what! I am surprised thatnthey guy has directed more films after this terrible fiasco! Itโ€™s the kind ofnmovie that you have to keep watching, just to make sure it gets worse, andntrust me, it does. Cosby uses hot dogs to make a henchmenโ€™s head explode intonconfetti! Since the bad guys on this movie are vegetarians (hmm, same as onnTroll II, thatโ€™s kind of weird) Leonard rubs meat on their faces to subduenthem! See it if you want to see a totally insane movie, just remember, I warnednya!  

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nItโ€™s Obvious Itโ€™s Bad Moment:  When in the films first five minutes BillnCosby is dancing like a ballerina and then seconds later, he jumps off annexploding building while riding an ostrich! Yes, an ostrich!  

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nBad Movie Dialog: โ€œThis was, I believe, the first recordedninstances of a CIA agent being eaten alive by a rainbow troutโ€
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nIf you liked this article, then don’t forget to check out it’s sequel: Worst Movies Ever Made Part II

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