At a party in SoHo, Manhattan, New York City, a woman stepped on a dog and cursed him. This behavior is common among people who start blaming others at an early age to escape parental anger and punishment, but also to preserve their self-esteem and self-image.
Blaming departments or products feels safer than blaming a person since it appears less personal, can pass as an attempt at organizational improvement, and might seem less defensive. However, it’s counter-productive as the transparency of culpability betrays its disguises.
A few years ago, I was sitting at a table with the leaders of a major stock exchange. They were struggling with setting goals for the year. The CEO, to whom they all reported, was not in the room. I asked them what was getting in the way. They agreed that senior leadership should be there to help. I retorted, “You’re blaming the CEO? You’re waiting for him to tell you what to do. At your level?” An awkward silence followed.
Blaming others is a poor strategy because it prevents learning. If something isn’t your fault, then there’s no reason for you to do anything differently. Which means, in all probability, you’ll make the same mistake in the future. That will lead to more blame. It’s a cycle that almost always ends badly.
A recent example of this is when a CEO fired one of his portfolio managers for blaming his poor investment results on everything except himself. He was only looking for one thing from Bill: Awareness of the mistakes he was making, but Bill continued to deny his role in his poorly performing portfolio. The CEO was right to fire him. If Bill couldn’t admit to the mistakes he was making, why wouldn’t he make the same mistake tomorrow? Would you trust Bill with your money?
Taking the blame is a simple solution that transforms all negative consequences of blaming others into positive ones. It solidifies relationships, improves credibility, makes you and others happy, reinforces transparency, improves self-esteem, increases learning, and solves problems. It’s as close as I’ve ever seen to a panacea.
Taking responsibility is the power move, strengthening your position, not weakening it. Once you’ve taken responsibility for something, you can do something about it, which gives you strength. It takes courage to own your blame, and that immediately silences anyone who might try to blame you. The “blame you” conversation is over, and you can focus on solving problems. Being defensive makes you slippery, but taking responsibility makes you trustworthy.
In summary, it’s okay to step on a dog, but don’t blame the dog. By taking the blame, you need confidence in yourself and your capability, personal strength to accept failure, and enough self-esteem to believe you can learn from your mistakes and succeed another day.
