Apparently, a ‘gushing, crying vagina’ is a happy one and I learned that and a lot more while allowing a stranger to ‘put a snail inside my yoni’ over six hours.
Yoni massage (yoni is the Sanskrit word for vagina) is a spiritual treatment practiced for 1000s of years in both India and in China for healing and empowering women, they say. Mal, the middle-aged man giving the massage who I met at the entrance, said that the ultimate goal of tantric massage is to open a woman’s yoni and let the amrita liquid flow.
Amrita is female ejaculation which, according to Mal, contains emotions of sadness, pain and pleasure.
What on earth had I let myself in for?
He explained a gushing, flowing and spraying vagina is a crying vagina.
Like crying from the face, this is beneficial as it releases emotions that are best not left bottled up.
Mal informed me that when he begins the yoni massage he would use plenty of lube; his fingers will feel like ‘a snail inside my yoni’.
My body will then open up and release the traumatic build up of emotions keeping me from experiencing my full potential of pleasure and personal achievement.
I am warned that traumas from the past may surface.
Key Points
There are points on the body and in the vagina that hold trauma and during the massage, when these points are touched, I may feel sad, cry, experience fear, have an orgasm or feel pain, he told me.
It was my job to embrace everything so emotions may be released.
I was asked to communicate when I felt pain, so maybe I was in control during this experience after all.
When I didn’t like something, Mal asked me to by ‘tightening my fists’ and to scream very loud in pain. When I do like something to make loud moans of pleasure.
By releasing the ‘trauma’, you are able to fully release your entire potential of energy onto the world.
Focusing on the negative will only hold yourself back from fully letting go and embracing this world and the wonderful people, places, and things in it.
And thinking about the man who was about to put his fingers in my yoni, it worried me, not because it was a man rather than a woman, but because that level of touch and intimacy is something I’d struggle to let someone I’m dating do.
But Mal had rich brown eyes full of kindness and a gentile nature. And it was his job he’d given decades to.
As the briefing finished and the time for the massage came, I had to do a few exercises to prepare my body for what it was to experience.
I was asked to think about three things throughout the session while I maintained a present mind:
- Breathe: Take in air through my nose and out through my mouth. This breathing pattern will help me to stay focused in the moment and better embrace what I am going to experience. Breathing like this also relaxes the jaw where a lot of stress can be held.
- Make noise: deep loud guttural noises. If I felt pain, scream like it hurts and moan and scream if that feeling is pleasure. Screaming helps to open the throat and ‘molecules are released’.
- Move: The more I move my body the more fluid is created and it becomes more easy for those ‘molecules’ to travel out of me.
After I showered, I was given a full body-size sarong to wrap up in before it would be taken off again.
I sat cross-legged down on the mattress in the centre of the dimly lit room and looked into Mal’s eyes.
‘Ok, easy, I can do this,’ I thought to myself. However, that’s much easier said than done.
And that’s when the moving began.
I jumped, danced, bounced and wiggled around listening to drums and a calming voice from speakers in the room for about 10 minutes until I was out of breath.
Mal dimmed the music and put something a little calmer on to begin the massage.
We next did an exercise to connect us as one.
We looked into each other’s eyes and I was asked to accept and feel the love he was giving me and he would accept the love I was giving him. ‘Take down your brick wall,’ Mal said.
‘We all have them as a way to protect ourselves from the lesser pleasant parts of life.’
I tried to imagine exposing my soul to Mal and let him in. This was as strange as it would be if anyone asked me to expose my soul to them.
I do like a great deep eye connection and I tend to see the most peculiar things in eyes, I saw a happy baby elephant rolling and playing in a pool of mud, he was very happy and had a peaceful feel to him.
Then it was time for the massage
I laid on my stomach with the sarong draped over my backside.
Mal began the massage on my back, from the tip of my head to my feet, first over the sarong then, as he continued, slowly removing the fabric bit by bit, until he lifted the fabric off fully and folded it in half, draping it over the entire length of the body.
I felt as if a veil of fringe was caressing my skin from the soles of my feet to the hair on my head.
Throughout the massage, my focus and concentration was on breathing properly and being present.
The tasks I thought would be simple were actually quite challenging. ‘Don’t be afraid to let the emotions out, embrace them when you feel them approaching,’ Mal said.
Why is a man giving a yoni massage?
As this felt so good, my mind began to travel to an equally good place. I needed to stay focused on the present and not let my mind wander, I continuously had to remind myself.
I could feel each and every movement of Mal’s fingers, I felt the friction of his fingerprints softly traveling over the skin everywhere.
Occasionally, I would feel a warm flow of liquid on my skin. The oil was so smooth and the temperature was glorious.
I almost doubted the liquid was poured on, it felt like it just appeared from within my body and was flowing freely under traveling fingers around my skin.
I would also feel a cool spray along with the warm oil. I forgot to ask what is was as my mind was on other things.
At this point, I was asked to turn onto my front. My favourite type of massages focus on the chest/boob and this one was pure pleasure.
Pleasure in a way where I almost forgot I was being massaged, I was just enjoying all the delightful feelings my body was giving me.
Mal then asked me if he could begin the yoni massage. I gave my consent, and he began.
The massage began with lots and lots of gentile external stroking and caressing. There was copious amounts of warm oil flowing all around my yoni.
I don’t use oil as a lubricant so I did worry when I felt the oil was being used inside me. I let the worry subside, as I needed to be back in the moment.
As I’ve never had a snail in my vagina, so I don’t know for sure if Mal’s fingers felt like a snail in my yoni as he said they would, or even what he meant by that.
I surprised myself with how comfortable I felt.
I didn’t question or think about the fact that a man who was a stranger to me a mere couple of hours before now has his fingers inside me and the confusion of whether it’s sexual or not.
I’m not one to ever let a random ever put their fingers in my vagina for fun, fingers are dirty besides anything else. But I had to let that go.
My focus deepened and a face of someone I knew suddenly appeared in my mind. I’m fond of the face and comfortable with it so it felt alright to embrace its appearance into my mind sight.
Everything I felt was intensifying dramatically. I felt myself beginning to open up and the energy built up and up and…
Bam!
One of the most intense orgasms I have ever had enveloped me.
The energy in the orgasm was like nothing I had ever felt before: it was an orgasm of energy rather than of pleasure.
Of course pleasure was felt but it was different to an orgasm I would have achieved from a situation of pure sexual pleasure.
The orgasm was traveling from my core outward to my arms, legs, and head. I felt the majority of this energy flowing out of my arms and the palms of my hands.
My hands felt like they were going to explode into thousands of tiny pieces or like I was going to shoot lightning from my fingertips and I was overwhelmed by the energy in my arms and hands.
Then Mal began to touch the palms of my hands. My hands are very sensitive and this pretty much made any feeling I was trying to control explode outwards.
Keep in mind that I was supposed to be embracing everything. It gets a bit much at points.
Now so many things were going through my mind, my breath was ragged, I was crying and shaking uncontrollably, and I closed my hands as any touch was no longer welcome.
This was when the dynamic shifted. There was a reason I was told to be fully present throughout. I didn’t realise then but after the massage ended, I spoke to Mal about this change.
Continuing the massage after climax, I calmed down and began to get my breathing pattern back. The massage was more intense for a while but then, all of a sudden, Mal’s hand movements changed.
They had been gentle and smooth throughout, traveling around to find each and every trauma needing to be released.
The new motions he was performing were still gentle, just faster and with more pressure.
The entire situation felt sexual all of a sudden. His hands began to penetrate me in a motion like a lover vigorously fingering my vagina and trying to make me come by squirting or orgasm, whatever would come first.
When I brought this up with Mal later, he told me he was trying to force my Amrita liquid to flow out because I was closing up more and more as he went on.
He said I was fighting him
Apparently I had bucket loads of ejaculate inside me and it was struggling to be released. He felt me trying to push it out but I only accomplished a tiny spritz, I was blocking my own body from opening up.
My wall had built back up and nothing felt the same, so I decided to end the session.
The session had still lasted nearly six hours. I hadn’t even realised and afterwards, I didn’t even care. I felt exhausted and I couldn’t move.
I couldn’t get my mind back to its state of clear presence.
I had lost my focus at some point and forgot about the love and care that was being given to me. My yoni was feeling discomfort from too much pressure and prodding and it was done.
When the massage ended, Mal left the room, telling me I would need to lay in peace for a while.
He was right, I literally could not move.
I lay down with my back to the mattress trying to calm my thoughts and analyse what I had just experienced.
When I spoke to Mal about my sudden switch mid-sessionm he explained that I did not fully trust him and I wasn’t entirely letting myself open up around him. He also explained that it’s very common that I was a little nervous, having never had a complete stranger massages my yoni for hours.
Mal said I might experience deep waves of emotion over the next few days following the session. He told me to text him with any questions concerns or support I may need.
When Mal told me at the end of the salon that I have ‘trust issues’ and this was the reason I was unable to open up fully and release Amrita, I thought he might have a point.
He also said this is common for people during their first massage of this kind.
I might go back for another massage but only when I can ‘fully embrace’ and let go.
Apart from when my mind began to change how it felt about the massage due to difference in emotions, at no point during the massage did I feel it was sex or like I was paying someone to get me off.
Mal really is full of love and kindness and his interest is opening people up and helping them to find their happiness.
Though you can see how being given an orgasm by a stranger would make people think otherwise.
