The Watch (2012)

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nTitle: The Watch (2012)

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nDirector: Akiva Schaffer

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nCast: Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill, Richard Ayoade,nRosemarie DeWitt

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nReview:

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nCertain things can destroy a films chances at the boxnoffice, one of them is a negative social event that can be linked to the filmsnplot or premise. For example, the 1999 Columbine High School Massacre in ColumbinenOhio affected -actually completely destroyed- any chances that horror comedynIdle Hands (1999) had at making any money. Why? Because it was a horror film aboutnhigh school teenagers! Simply because of that. After the Columbine tragedy, suddenlynanything that had to do with violence and teenagers was dead at the box office.nThe same fate befell another film that was released that same year callednTeaching Mrs. Tingle (1999) which had a group of teenagers threaten their evilnhistory teacher (played by none other then Helen Mirren!) with a crossbow. The studentsnend up knocking the teacher out and tying her to a bed in order to convince thenteacher that they need to pass her class. Of course, the nation had Columbinenon their heads so the movie died at the box office. The film was originallyncalled Killing Mrs. Tingle, but the studio, predicting death at the box officenchanged the title to Teaching Mrs. Tingle.

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nAn even more recent example is The Dark Knight Rises whosenbox office was inevitably affected by the mass murders at a movie theater innAurora Colorado during a showing of the film. The Dark Knight Rises still madena lot of cash and set world records, but I know the film would have made evennmore then that if media coverage of the tragedy had not scared moviegoers fromngoing to watch the film. Well, here comes The Watch a film whose fate proved tonbe similar to these films I’ve just mentioned. Why? Because it was linked tonthe shooting of Trayvon Martin by George Zimmerman in Sanford Florida.nYou hadn’t heard of this story? Well, it goes like this: George Zimmerman a Hispanicnman who was part of a neighborhood watch in Florida, sees 16 year old Trayvorn Martinnwalking the streets of the neighborhood. Zimmerman for some reason mistakes Trayvonn for a hoodlum, chases him down, and endsnup shooting him in the chest. Turns out Trayvorn Martin was no criminal andnZimmerman was just a trigger happy nutcase, a racist wannabe judge who raciallynprofiled Trayvorn and shot him without any real reasons. And so, since thisnreal life nutcase was part of a neighborhood watch, a nervous studio changed thenfilms original title from ‘Neighborhood Watch’ to just ‘The Watch’, which is anmisleading title, it made me think the film was about some sort of magicalnwatch or something?  

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nSo social events can hinder a films box office intake. Still,na good question to ask would be: was The Watch a good movie to begin with? Truthnbe told, The Watch is no big deal. It’s the kind of film that you’re better ofnjust renting; it’s nothing memorable or groundbreaking or awe inspiring. Whatnit does have is a good cast of comedians that elevate a very mediocre, halfnassed script that feels so ‘been there done that’ that it renders the film utterlynforgettable. The script was paper thin, it made no effort to bring anything newnto the table. Bringing something new to the table is of course something that gottennincreasingly more difficult because so many films have been made. Inevitably mostnfilms will walk on tired ground. Keeping this in mind, The Watch feels a hecknof a lot like Ivan Reitman’s Ghostbusters (1984). Four comedians come togethernto fight a seemingly unstoppable force, and they have no real clue as to how tondo it, but they do it anyways. This isn’t the first film to try and duplicatenGhostbusters success; in 2001 Ivan Reitman tried to duplicate his own Ghostbustersnformula and directed Evolution (2001), a film about four comedians playing thenroles of scientists trying to stop the return of the dinosaurs to modern times.nReitman tried mixing Jurassicn Park with Ghostbusters,nthe results where…okay.

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nI guess nobody can really recreate the magic of ThenGhostbusters…ever! That’s such a perfect film, many things make Ghostbusters angreat film. The cast for example was pitch perfect. Bill Murray doesn’t play a smart ass prick who’s full of himself, he was just being himself. Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis are a pair of realnlife geeks…and Ernie Hudson is the new guy who comes out of left field, I thinknthe trick with Ghostbusters was that everyone was perfectly cast because theynwere basically playing themselves. Ghostbusters wannabes don’t understand that,nplus, there was the magic of making the film in New York City! The people of New York and the citynitself add a magic to the proceedings that’s hard to find anywhere else. Thesenthings matter people! In comparison, The Watch was filmed in Georgia andntakes place mostly inside of a Costco; enough said. The cast is a decent onenthough, and its the only thing that keeps the film from sinking. I imagine thisnfilm with a lesser cast would have sucked even harder. Stiller plays the ‘quintessentialnnice guy’ for the umpteenth time, Vince Vaughn plays the eternal college fratnboy (yet again), Jonah Hill plays a wannabe cop who’s a little nutty, andnfinally, Richard Ayoade is the weird one. They way they play with the dialognand their improve jokes are what keep things interesting. But  damn, what was up with the product placementnin this movie? Costco is splattered all over this one, so is Coca-Cola and Tidenand Trojan Condoms…it gets to be product placement overload; I know it’s justnthe nature of the beast and all, but it makes you feel like people only do thesenthings because they get paid? And that’s just really sad…I can’t talk about itnanymore! It’s giving me a headache…let me take a Nuprin! Little. Yellow. Different.

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nSo anyways, the whole alien invasion scenario doesn’t evennmatter on this film, which is one of the biggest mistakes these filmmakersnmade. That’s what was cool about Ghostbusters, they had ‘Gozer the Gozerian’ andnZuul’s and Shandor’s and Gate Keepers and giant marshmallow men! Gozer opened up portals to other dimensions, bringingnforth formidable villains! Here we have aliens sans-personality, again here isnwhere the script shows it needed more work. As it is, the film feels like anlazy cash in, like a film that takes the audience intelligence for granted andnthinks we’re going to accept this half assed attempt at a movie as a true film worthnour time. The Watch isn’t a complete waste of time, but it’s a lame attempt atna film. It’s got cool looking monsters and funny improves, but lame assnvillains and a weak as hell script. My advice to the guys behind this film isntry harder next time, this was just lame-o my friends! A wasted opportunitynthat has a moment or two, but could’ve been so much better had they put moreneffort into it.   

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nRating: 3 out of 5

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