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The Preposterous Pairing of the Antithetical Aristocrats

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n                            Let’s face it. Of course it wasn’t going to get anynbetter. Later in the same day that George and Caroline had their firstndisastrous encounter, there was a dinner given in honour of the Princess. 

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nMalmesbury must have sat at the table praying for the ground to open andnswallow someone, for a fire to break out somewhere in the palacenor, at the very least, for Caroline to choke on a fishbone, as she began, atnthe outset, an attempt to charm with flippancy and wit, switching to raillerynand sarcasm when that fell flat, and settling finally on coarse vulgaritynaimed, for the most part, at Frances Villiers, Lady of the Bedchamber (andnGeorge’s mistress), who sat in stony silence, soaking up the insults. 

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nGeorgeneventually walked out in disgust, but Caroline failed to take the hint andnstayed at the table, continuing with the derision and scorn; George’s initialndisgust hardened into outright hatred. War, it seemed, had been declared andnCaroline was determined to give as good as she got. 

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Marriage a la mode

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nThe marriage took place atneight o’clock in the evening of April 8th 1795, in the Chapel Royalnof St James’s Palace, with the Archbishop of Canterbury, assisted by the Bishopnof London, officiating. An eyewitness account, by Lady Maria Stewart, says, 

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nThenPrince looked like Death and full of confusion, as if he wished to hide himselfnfrom the looks of the whole world. I think he is much to be pitied.” 

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nWhatnshe didn’t know was that the Prince had drunk so much brandy that he needed thenhelp of two unmarried dukes during the ceremony, who struggled to keep him fromnfalling down drunk at the altar. They withdrew to the Queen’s chambers innBuckingham House, for a supper, and then the newly-weds went on to CarltonnHouse. Let’s leave the final word on their wedding night to Caroline herself, 

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nJudgenwhat it was to have a drunken husband on one’s [sic] wedding-day, and one who passednthe greatest part of his bridal-night in the grate, where he fell, and where Inleft him!” 

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The Happy Couple

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nIt’s hard to take sides when both parties are at fault. 

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nIf onlynCaroline had heeded Malmesbury’s counsel, taken a bath or two, invested in antoothbrush, changed her smalls more often and bitten her tongue, then maybenGeorge would have treated her, if not with affection, then at least with commonncourtesy. 

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nIf only George hadn’t acted like a spoiled brat, appointed somenneutral serving-women to Caroline’s household, and taken a drop more water withnhis bracers, then maybe Caroline wouldn’t have dug in her heels and stoppedntrying to get her retaliation in first. 

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Carlton House

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nAs to regrets, they both had a few;nGeorge upbraided Malmesbury, asking why he hadn’t written to him from Brunswicknand warned him of what to expect. Malmesbury reminded his Prince that he hadnbeen sent, not on a reconnaissance mission, but with unequivocal orders tonbring the Princess back to England for marriage to his Highness. He had warnednthat she was wilful, tactless and under-educated, but he had also related thatnher own father had made it plain that she needed to be treated firmly and notngiven her head. 

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nCaroline herself said that if only she had been brought tonEngland earlier, with her father, as Mr Pitt the Younger had once recommended,nthen it was possible that the results would have been so much different. It wasnnot her fault that Parliament had only agreed to settle the Prince’s debts ifnhe married, nor that she had been an eligible Protestant Princess. 

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Caroline and George

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nThey livedntogether for two or three weeks, only made love three times (twice on the firstnday and once on the second), and then, although dwelling under the same roof,nthey ceased to live as man and wife. But, with a bitter twist of fate, thenPrince’s seed fell on fertile ground and one day short of nine months after thenmarriage, the Princess of Wales was delivered of a baby daughter, CharlottenAugusta. Against all possible odds, there would be a direct, legitimate heir tonthe British throne. 

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I’ll just leave this here.

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nThis was good news for the great British public, who tooknthe Princess of Wales to their hearts, and tut-tuted most gravely at the Princenof Wales and his publicly flaunted mistress. Separated from his wife, thenprofligate Prince resumed his libertinistic, libidinous ways, drinking andngambling and consorting with assorted blackguards, ne’er-do-wells and roués

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Caroline, Princess of Wales

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nThey played practical jokes on her – all the furniture was stripped from herndining room, bar two shabby chairs. A pearl bracelet given as a wedding giftnwas taken back and given instead to the royal mistress, who openly wore it innpublic. The Queen conspired in the persecution of her niece, keeping FrancesnVilliers in her court circle, and Villiers repaid the honour by spying on thenPrincess, repeating conversations and, on at least one occasion, interceptingnand reading her private correspondence. 

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Mother and Child

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nAnd then there was the matter of thenPrince’s debts, the payment of which was the reason that he had agreed to marrynin the first place. Parliament discussed his Highness’s debts, reviewed hisnincomes, debated his expenses, thought about it, made a few suggestions andnthen decided that if the Prince tightened his belt, cut his coat according tonhis cloth, drew in his horns, and so on and so forth, then it might be possiblento clear the debts in a mere twenty-seven years. 

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nIt was, as our friends acrossnthe channel say, a fait accompli; the Prince had undoubtedly expected anline drawn under the debts if he complied with the marriage plans, but insteadnhe was saddled with this unwanted Brunswicker bride and faced what was probablyngoing to be the rest of his life in straitened financial circumstances. Hisnhands, it seemed, were tied. 

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nAnd that was that. Or was it?

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nTomorrow, what George and Caroline did – and didn’t do – next.

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