The Beastmaster (1982)

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nTitle: The Beastmaster (1982)

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nDirector: Don Coscarelli

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nCast: Marc Singer, Tanya Roberts, Rip Torn, John Amos

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nReview:

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nThe Beastmaster came as a direct result of the success that JohnnMilius’s Conan The Barbarian enjoyed when it was released back in 1982. You seenwhen Conan hit it big, every other studio wanted to have their own version ofnConan. Hell, even the Italians went for it, actually, let me elaborate on that,nthe Italians milked Conan for all it’s worth! One of the best examples of annItalian Conan rip-off is Lucio Fulci’s Conquest (1983), which is an incrediblynhilarious, yet totally watchable mix of Conan like fantasy adventure with GreeknMythology, it’s kind of like the bastard son of Conan The Barbarian and Clashnof the Titans (1981).There’s also Rogero Deodatto’s The Barbarians (1987),nwhich starred these two hulking twin brothers who had their fifteen minutes ofnfame back in the 80’s. The Italians weren’t the only ones in the Conan rip offnmarket, the American’s did their own cheap Conan imitations, The Beastmaster isnin my opinion one of the best of the bunch.

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nThe Beastmaster gives us the story of Dar, a young man whosenlife starts off in an extremely strange fashion. When we first meet Dar, he isnin his mother’s womb. A prophecy has marked Dar as the child who will grow to liberatenthe people, so an evil sorcerer sends his witch to kidnap Dar right out of his mother’snwomb. Not only that, the witch magically transports the unborn Dar right intonthe belly of a cow! That’s right my friends, Dar ends up being born from a cow!nA few years pass and Dar develops an ability to communicate with animals. Hensees what they see, he knows their thoughts and they know his. Dar ends upnhaving a great childhood in a humble, peace loving village but problems arise whennan evil religious leader decides to destroy Dar’s village in order to stop thenprophecy from fulfilling itself. Will Dar fulfill the prophecy, destroy thenevil religious leader and avenge the death of his family and his people?

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nSimilarities between The Beastmaster and Conan The Barbarian know nonbounds, it’s almost embarrassing. Let’s count the similarities shall we? Youngnman sees his family and village slaughtered by crazy religious zealots? Check! Thenprotagonist then wonders through the big bad world all on his own as the voicenof his father echoes in the background like some ghostly voice from beyond thengrave? Check! Protagonist gets his sword from the clutches of a corpse? Check!nThe main villain is the leader of a religious cult? Check! The film ends with anfight on a pyramid like temple? Check! And there are more similarities wherenthese came from, have fun someday counting them. Yet this does not mean that Beastmasterndoesn’t have one or two original elements of its own that sets it apart andnmakes it a fun watch.  The film isnenjoyable because it has lots of imagination, maybe it’s budget betrayed them anbit, but I gotta have it to Coscarelli, he did a lot with very little. Thisnfilms budget was 8 million, but you could swear it was a bit more. At the time,nthis was the most expensive film he’d ever done. Up to then, Coscarelli’snbiggest budget had been the one for Phantasm (1979), which skyrocketed to anmere 300,000 dollars, so this time around he had more moolah to play aroundnwith and he put it to good use. Coscarelli has always been good at making lownbudget films look more expensive than they actually are.

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nThe element of Dar communicating with animals is one of thenmost original elements in the film, he has these two little chipmunks thatnbecome his inseparable companions, he has a black tiger that befriends him andnan eagle that follows him around as well. He says they give him his cunning,nhis strength and his eyes. The dynamics between the animals and Dar are prettyncool, they help him in his adventure and they also help him hook up with Kiri,na slave girl whom Dar falls in love with after he sees her taking a shower in annearby waterfall.  We also meet a seriesnof interesting creatures during Dar’s travels through this fantasy land. Firstnwe meet these weird ‘bat men’ creatures that are basically humanoid bats. Ifnthey wrap their wings around you, they suck the flesh off your bones and spit outnyour remains! And these are the good guys! We also get these Berserkerncreatures which go crazy when they introduce these green slimy things intontheir ears, those were some cool looking beasts. As I mentioned earlier, Don Coscarelli is the director behind the Phantasm franchise, so it’s no wonder that certain scenes unfold as if they belonged in a horror movie, dark, spooky,nscary. But worry not! The cheesiness is never gone for too long in this movie!

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nHow cheesy is this movie? Well, let’s see, there’s thisnscene in which the evil religious leader is about to sacrifice a child bynthrowing him in a fiery pit, right? That’s the moment when Dar’s eagle rescues thenchild at the last minute by grabbing the kid with its claws and flying awaynwith him! Pay no mind to the fact that the child probably weighs many times morenthan the eagle, and that there’s no way in hell this could happen in real life,nbut it happens in Beastmaster, because Beastmaster is cheesy that way. And so, suddenlynwe have a scene of an eagle soaring through the skies with a child hanging fromnits claws? You’ll bust a gut when you hear Dar screeching like an eagle! Also,neven sillier is how Kiri the slave girl, doesn’t seem to be much of a slave,nsince she can apparently roam the land freely. Also, I don’t know if anyonennoticed this , but if Kiri is a slave girl, how does she find time to put onnlipstick and mascara? And her hair is perfectly blow dried! In Barbarian times!nGeez, these movies from the 80’s; so unapologetically silly! There’s morencheesy goodness on this one, but I’ll let you discover these wonders fornyourselves.

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nUltimately, even though The Beastmaster is a knock off, itnis also very entertaining. Marc Singer pulls in a likable performance, ThenBeastmaster doesn’t come off as squeaky clean perfect, point in fact, he’snkinda sleazy and something of a trickster. He uses his powers over animals tonimpress girls and make out with them! Tanya Robert’s looks beautiful on thisnone, her popularity in Beastmaster led to her own fantasy flick called Sheena (1984),nwhere she is also practically naked for the whole film, just like onnBeastmaster. Here Roberts isn’t just a damsel in distress, she actually pullsnoff some heroics! Rip Torn tears through his scenes with villainous gusto in anrole that was originally intended for Klaus Kinski, I have to admit, I wondernwhat he could’ve done with the villainous ‘Mayax’, the religious leader hellnbent on lying to people with fake prophecies. Which reminds me that thematicallynspeaking, The Beastmaster plays with a lot of the same themes that Conan ThenBarbarian did. The follies of blindly following a religion, and the power thatnreligious leaders have over the minds of their parishioners.  So at the end of the day, I recommend The Beastmaster because it’s fun, it’s a film with inventiveness and creativity. It’sncheesy and goofy to the max, but that’s probably what you’ll end up lovingnabout it.        

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nRating: 3 out of 5

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