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nI don’t remember François Truffaut or Karen Finley being mentioned in any of Ed Powers‘ depressing Dirty Debutantes movies. But then again, I haven’t seen all that many (THANK GOD!!!!!). I can see a wall of pornographic videotapes at one of the many adult video retailers I accidentally walked into over and over again back in the day. The innocent faces of the women peering back at me from the cover boxes. Sadness mixed with shame. A boatload of regret. If I remember correctly, the guy behind the counter reeked of hot dogs and rape.
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nI think there was a screening room at the back… there was a curtain… so, I couldn’t see what was going on… but I recall hearing a lot of moaning.
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nPeople eat Ethiopian food at an Ethiopian restaurant in that location nowadays.
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nI wonder if they realize the walls are encrusted with at least twenty years worth of failure-tinged jizz as they make their order.
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nSo, yeah, Usama Alshaibi’s The Amateurs pays tribute to/mocks/ridicules/celebrates the pathetic hilariousness that is amateur porn.
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nIt opens with two would be performers being interviewed by a director.
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nWhen Camilla Ha (as Mini Chang) name-drops Karen Finley (the mom from You Killed Me First), I relaxed immediately.
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nThe conversation that follows is funny and stupid simultaneously.
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nThe guy in the wig won’t perform unless a fish is produced… the director doesn’t have any fish… he demands that the two potential performers get with “the suck and the fuck.”
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n”We don’t do kink.”
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nThe next interview is depressing. Uh, yeah. I don’t want to talk about it.
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nSpoiler alert: “Princess” injured her eye with a pool cue while drinking moonshine. lol
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nReluctant to perform with a woman with one eye… the director tries to convince his non-dashing male lead that it’s okay by telling him that: “Not everyone has two eyes.”
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nWhen the non-dashing male lead offers to warm up the speculum he’s been instructed to insert into Princess’ pussy, I nearly lost it. So romantic!
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nNext up is Echo and Coco… Um, the wide-eyed Echo needs to take a shit and Coco’s filthy white t-shirt gave me a pseudo yeast infection.
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nHi, Billy and Kalyx… thanks… bye! Worst annilingus ever!
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nYay! Woo-hoo! I’m done with the Solar Anus Cinema collection. 🎉 I managed to type words about every single one of them. Of course, I didn’t have to… but, in a way, I did. And I’m beaming with misguided pride. What I think I learned is that, um, porn is gay, and that Ukrainian women and sort of Ukrainian women need our support (now more than ever). Now, who wants to order Ethiopian, er, I mean, Thai food?
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