Solomon and Sheba (1959) Movie: American epic historical romance film
There was a lot of boredom at Heath’s home since there were few good movies on Cable Television. Then, as if by divine mandate, they screened this 1959 epic, which included a large portion of Yul Brynner’s wig, Gina Lollabrigida’s breast, and George Sander’s huge hamola.
As the Israelites fought the Egyptians for control of their sand kingdom, brothers Adonijah, played by George, and Solly, played by Yul, fought bitterly when their father David, played by Finlay Currie, anointed Solly as king of the Tribes of Israel.
As a result, his older brother Adonijah was passed over, and his poopiness was uncontrollable! Solly, who prayed to Jehovah for knowledge, was granted it in this manner, and he reigns long and skillfully, and the kibbutzes expand!
And the Great Temple is constructed as if by magic – this thing called montage is really a miracle of heaven – and yet, like all men, is dumbeth enough to fall in love with a Sheban prostitute who speaks in a fruity Italian accent and changes garments every ten minutes. Listen up, because she is preparing to assassinate the noble Solly, humiliating him in front of his people and God.
As a result! Much lewdness nearly as devilish as a Britney Spears video occurs, and the dancing that whirls in ecstatic heights appears to have been choreographed by the San Fernando community dance theatre; much abandon occurs; near-naked men sweat, women fling themselves in their arms, and don’t doubt, it’s all for a moral lesson! Solly exclaims, “Golly!” He enters the garden of earthly joys to frolic.
But, yes, The love-struck sucker Abishag, who is played by Pier Angeli’s twin sister, prays for her love Solly, asking for his sins to befall her, which causes the mightily enraged God of Abraham to destroy the pagan idol and the transgressor’s own temple, with the love-struck sucker Abishag dying in the ruins. “Losing My Religion” is sung by Solly.
The fact that the insurance company would not pay up for the Temple damage since its coverage does not cover Acts of God is even more disheartening. The Israelites move away from Solly because the Prophet Nathan makes a lot of noise and waves his hands a lot; “Thou shall be punished worse than Michael Jackson for thy godlessness!” is his prophesy, and it comes true.
And behold, the demon Adonijah reappears, accompanied by the Egyptian Host, to take his country. Sheba prays to their God for Solly’s rescue when the Israelites march to protect their country but are defeated. And, lo and behold! Solly is inspired to shine their shields and dazzle their adversaries with the sun in order to mislead them into falling into a ravine of unknown depth like many model chariots and puppet warriors.
Solly must return home immediately, since his brother has usurped the kingdom and ordered Sheba’s murder by stoning! Yes, Solly returns in the nick of time to slaughter Adonijah in fight, and Sheba is forced to return to her homeland to proclaim the Word of God. Solly declared a working holiday with a three-for-one big-ass beer offer since there was so much joy in the land of Israel.
This was directed by King Vidor, the ancient king of film, and it has some of his strong realism in the appearance of clothing and scenery, but the performances are wicked. According to seers, Lollobrigida was sentenced to the misery of co-hosting a game show for her sorrowful performance in this film.
