Slugs (1988)

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nTitle: Slugs (1988)

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nDirector: J.P. Simon

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nCast: Michael Garfield, Kim Terry 

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nReview:

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nJ.P. Simon is a Spanish director who has made some of thenworst films to ever be committed to celluloid. If you ask me, he is Spain’s ownnUwe Boll; and in case you don’t know who Uwe Boll is, then check out hisnfilmography, I’m sure you’ll agree that most of his films (if not all) are somenof the worst you’ve seen in your life. With directors such as these, I alwaysnwonder:  how do they do it? How do theynconvince a producer to give them cash to make these crappy movies? And theynkeep making movies too, they don’t stop! For example, Uwe Boll has made 28nfilms so far; and I’m sure he’ll keep making more. I guess as long as videonclubs keep buying and renting his films, he’ll keep turning in a profit…and he’llnkeep coming back; same thing with J.P. Simon. Mr. Simon is a director who’snpretty much kept his career in Spain;nbut at various points in his career, he’s attempted to make films that he couldnsell to American distributors. If you’re a slasher film fan, then I’m sure you’venseen J.P. Simon’s Pieces (1982); not a bad little slasher if you ask me. Itngets pretty gory at times; but it is not without its nonsensical moments.

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nAnother one of J.P. Simon’s attempts at making a film aimednat an American audience was Cthulhu Mansion (1992); a film that in spite ofnhaving Lovecraft’s name plastered all over it’s poster, has absolutely nothingnto do with Lovecraft or his stories! It is terribly acted, cheesy as hell and horriblynedited, but it’s a fun movie to watch because of this. After seeing Cthulhu Mansion I was convinced I had seen onenof the worst films ever made; I laughed my ass off no doubt. But a good movie itnwasn’t! So it was with great curiosity that I decided to finally watch Slugs,nJ.P. Simon’s killer slugs movie. I kept hearing that it was gruesome and gory,nso I decided to finally give it a chance, you know,  out of morbid curiosity. Call mencrazy, but I like seeing a lot of these ‘bad movies’, they make me laugh and lighten up my nights. With Slugs, I knew I would probably be in for a goofy ‘sonbad it’s good movie’, so I was prepared for that this time around. Turns out, Inwas right! This is yet another terrible yet fun film from director J.P. Simon.

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nStory goes something like this: mutant killer slugs (with teeth!) are procreating in thensewer system of the small town known as Merton. Mike Brady, the towns health inspector knowsnthis and is trying to get someone to hear him out, but you know how horror films go, no onenbelieves Mikes mutant slugs story. Hell, I wouldn’t either! Unless I was in ancheesy horror movie like this one that is! So anyhow, dead people start pilingnup and only then do the authorities believe Mike. Can Mike whip up a way tonkill the slugs before they eat their way through the town?  

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n So yeah, this is the kind of movie where only one personnknows what’s really going on and nobody in town wants to believe him. Mike goesnaround telling people that there are killer slugs in the sewer but everyonenreacts the same way “your crazy! Go to hell!” This movie is so nonsensical,nthat even when people have actually seen someone choke on slugs and even seen anpersons head explode with slugs, they still don’t believe Mike’s killer slugs story!nI mean, people, didn’t you just see someone’s head explode as slugs and wormsncame out of it? Helloooo! Wake up! The people in this movie are so dumb thatneven when they know their town was a toxic waste dump a few years ago they don’tnbelieve! If we’re going to talk about this films negative traits, then by far,nthe worst thing this film has is it’s dialog and acting. The actors say theirnlines fast, just to get them out of the way in an extremely robotic fashion,nthey speak simply to expose plot points. For example, they’ll say things like “Now maybe, just maybe,nwe might be dealing with a mutant form of slug here, a kind that eats meat!” Thisnfilm has porn movie dialog and actors, no doubts about it. To make mattersnworse, most of the dialog is dubbed because J.P. Simon filmed most of the movie in Spain,nwith Spanish actors. But the main attraction on this kind of film are the monsters and the deaths they cause and in that respect, Slugs delivers. 

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nOn the positive side of the spectrum, same as with J.P. Simon’s Pieces,nthe film is extremely gory; and this is something that J.P. Simon is known for.nHe might be a terrible filmmaker, but he sure knows how to cook up a gruesomendeath! On this one we have naked people being attacked by slugs and people’s headsnbursting with slugs! Slugs eat the hand of an old man, after which he chopsnit off! The deaths get ugly on this one. The effects are interesting too; atnone point we get a close up of a slug that shows us it’s teeth and bites Mike’snfinger! It looks hilarious! You will have a fun time listening to the inanendialog, and watching these actors dig themselves deeper into their acting careerngraves, but overall, Slugs is simply a bad movie with some decent gore effects.nIt’s a series of gory deaths strung together by a paper thin plot, but thennagain, that’s what b-movies are all about, so b-movie lovers just might findnsome enjoyment with this one, I know I did. For other killer slug movies, I’dnrecommend checking out Squirm (1976), Night of the Creeps (1986) or Slither (2006), all of which are all infinitely better killer slug films then this one. 

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nRating: 2 ½ out of 5   

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