November 1 – Give Up Your Shoulds Day

PostednNovember 1, 2013

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n”Inshould read more books.”

n“Inshould keep my room neater.”

n“Inshould do sit-ups while I watch TV.”

n“Inshould be a doctor.”

n“Inshould study math harder.”

n“Inshould eat healthier food.”

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nTodaynwe are urged to give up the word “should”—at least for the day.nThat word, especially if it isn’t tied to action, can keep usndown-in-the-dumps about ourself or our lives. n

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nThenfamily therapist who invented the day said that “people generally live more calm and fulfilled lives if they give up the word“should.”

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Don’tntell yourself you “should” exercise—do it! Find a way to getnexercise that you really enjoy and look forward to. Ditto for eatingnhealthy foods—look for something healthy that really appeals tonyou, like a juicy piece of fruit, rather than gnawing through somen“health-food” bar you don’t enjoy. When it comes to exercise andnnutrition and keeping healthy, action really is way more importantnthan words. Find the things you love that are healthy. Do them. Donthem because you love them AND you love being healthy.

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nAsnto all of those other shoulds I list above, reading, keeping yournroom/house/ neat, studying, planning a career—all of these thingsnare wonderful things. Read the stuff you love to read—and trynreading new stuff, because maybe there are all sorts of othernwonderful thing you would love reading just waiting out there. Studynthings that make your heart sing, and explore lots of “subjects”nand ideas, because your heart might be waiting to play an entirensymphony! Think about what’s worth doing, and how your particularnpassions might lead you to your calling. (A calling is something younfeel a strong urge to do. It’s a career or way of life or vocation.)nExplore your own gifts to see how you can contribute to the world.

nOnenthing about the word “should”: it’s often what othernpeoplenthink you should be doing, right? We live in groups—in families,ncommunities, organizations, nations—so we definitely have to do ournshare of the not-so-fun work of being alive. We have to work togethernat times and compromise at times. For sure.

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nHowever,nthere are a lot of times when you can be your own master. You decidenwhat you think about, what you dream about, what you want to do withnmuch of your time, who you want to spend time with, how you want tonreact to things that happen to you. And other people’s “shoulds”ncan get in the way of you becoming your most authentic self!

nHere are some more not-so-great things about the word “should”:

It can keep us focused on the future rather than on right now. But if we never enjoy now, we miss out on life (which is just a series of “right now” moments, right?)…

It can keep us focused on some unobtainable perfect ideal. The perfect person might be rich and accomplished, even tempered and healthy, with lots of good habits and no bad ones. In this society, the perfect person would have straight white teeth and little body fat; she or he would get straight As in school and a progression of raises and praises at work. And we should be that, we should work for all of that, we should, we should, we should… Working for perfection can cause people to put a lot of pressure on themselves.