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Excruciating naval yarn set during the War of 1812, in which, according to this film, many toy ships attempted to sink each-other. Seafaring dullard Mark Stevens embarks on a mission to bring back gold from France as war finance, taking with him in-disgrace former British captain Patric Knowles. Knowles stops along the way to pick up his femme fatale girlfriend Angela Lansbury, who’s ruined his life once before and will do it again in style. A-doin’s start a-transpirin’. It’s sort of a film noir aboard a Napoleonic-era cruiser, except nowhere near as interesting as that sounds. Any self-respecting sea captain ought to know that when you’ve got a mate named Hook who instead of a hand has…a hook, you should keep an eye on him. Second star from the left and straight on ‘til boredom.
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