1987 action movie
Rating: 3/20 (Josh: 12/20; Fred: 2/20; Libby: 3/30; Carrie: 2/20; Larry: was unfortunately not able to finish the movie with us–I believe his wife came home and caught him watching Miami Connection which led to some trouble)
Plot: A rock band consisting of orphans has to battle a rival gang and some ninjas who ride motorcycles. Drugs are somehow involved.
“Uh oh. Ninjas.”
Wall-to-wall action and ceiling-to-floor stupidity! This is really just a series of badly-choreographed fight scenes and a couple musical numbers (including the should-have-been-a-hit “Friends Forever!” with lyrics that had to have been written by children) connected with a plot. It’s connected the way a dried-up glue stick would connect the pieces of a child’s art project. This kind of stupidity doesn’t come along that often. The stars have to align just a certain way to bring all the pieces together to make something as special as this, and the production company (Draft House) that brought this thing back from the dead in recent years (complete with action figures) was right in thinking it’s a potential cult classic. You’ll see everything that makes bad movies like this so magical–terrible acting, continuity errors, bad effects, inept camera and sound work, poor editing, general clumsiness–but there’s something that just makes this stand out a little bit. Like a lot of historically bad movies, this one seems to be the responsibility of one guy–Y.K. Kim, who co-wrote, co-directed, and co-starred in this. He’s got some sweet kung-fu movies, at least when compared to most of the gangly white dudes in this movie. However, he has not mastered the English language and with the help of that gives one of the worst performances you’ll ever see. I had trouble not laughing at everything he said, including his pronunciation of the word orphans which sounded like orpins. This was Kim’s only movie as a writer, director, or an actor. There’s also a guy who looks a little like how Chuck Norris would look if he became really really ill. One of the orphans–the black one–is actually able to reconnect with his father, an attempt by the filmmakers to inject a little emotion into the movie. It made me cry anyway. With laughter! That black guy is played by Maurice Smith who screams the greatest scream that I have ever heard in a movie. The aforementioned “Friends Forever” song is one of two songs performed by the band–Dragon Sound, a fivesome who perform kung-fu moves while rocking out. It’s the kind of song that will make you feel proud to be a human being, and the song has become the new Facebook Bad Movie Club anthem. As Libby said, this seems to be a movie made by 8-year-old boys for 8-year-old boys to watch and enjoy. It’s one of the best bad movies I’ve seen in a while.
Oh, you know who else is in this movie? Bubba Baker, the guy who played “toothless giant” in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. In this, he plays “Nail face,” a random guy in a scene that takes place in a bar who shoves a nail into his face.
