1983 post-apocalyptic sci-fi
Rating: 9:/20 (Fred: 12/20; Carrie: 8/20; Josh: 6/20; 6.7/20; Johnny: 6/20)
Plot: Mad Max rescues a chick and then has to rescue her again after the titular bad guy kidnaps her. So he drives his little tank thing, finds a friend or two, and drive and drive to find him. Along the way–Richard Moll.
Things I’m sad about:
1) That I couldn’t see this film as God intended me to see it–in glorious 3-D!
2) That the sequel the makers of this ambitiously set up never was made.
Here’s a Spoiler Alert: Jared-Syn is not destroyed in this movie. No, he goes on a ride on Disney’s Space Mountain and disappears. This movie has a ton of sand and lots of vehicular explosion. There is a lot of dopey moments where they’re obviously trying to take advantage of the 3-D. You won’t care about the characters in this–not even Richard Moll–and you might not even be able to find anything you’d call a plot. However, it’s not all bad. There’s a cool variety of post-apocalyptic vehicles which get maybe more screen time than the actors, some pretty good costumes, and a few interesting creatures including a bunch of cyclopes and a guy with a metal arm that spews anti-freeze at his enemies. Oh, and there’s a lightning crab monster that is not a special effect that I reckon anybody would be proud of. This movie’s also got it’s own Cantina scene which, believe it or not, looks a little cheaper than the one in A New Hope. And for all you Kelly Preston fans, this movie’s also got Kelly Preston.
Why is this movie called Metalstorm, by the way? Is it because that’s the most badass title in the history of cinema? It must be. There isn’t anything resembling a storm of metal in the movie. Maybe that only showed up in 3-D?
This isn’t a particularly inspired motion picture or even a very good one, but I think I would have really liked it as a kid, especially if I had gotten to see it in 3-D. The title screen alone would have had me ruining a perfectly good pair of pants.
