Jupiter Ascending (2015)

nJupiter Ascending (2015)

nDirectors: Lana and Andy Wachowski

nCast: Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, Sean Bean, Eddie Redmayne

nIt’s an interesting thing keeping the pulse of the filmnindustry, you see directors rise to become almost rock stars and then you see themnfall, to never be heard from again. They make that one good movie that takesnover the world and then a god awful second and third film. For some reason,nthey can’t recapture whatever it is that audiences loved about their firstnfilm; the muse fades away and vanishes completely. I can now say that I havenwitnessed the downfall of the Wachowski’s, the duo of film directors who becamenbox office sensations when they released the Matrix Trilogy onto the world.nTheir downward spiral started with Speed Racer (2008), a visually interestingnfilm that tanked at the boxed office, because audiences considered it tooncartoony and silly. They continued with Cloud Atlas (2012) a star studdednsci-fi film that failed to connect with audiences, probably because it was tooncomplex or convoluted. I’ve yet to watch it in its entirety. That one tanked asnwell, yet another film by the Wachowski’s that didn’t make its money back. Andnnow, they’ve probably put the last nail on their coffin with Jupiter Ascendingn(2015), a gigantic mess of a film that didn’t make its money back either. I asknmyself, how do these guys keep working when their films keep losing money? I’mnthinking Hollywood’s patience with the Wachowski’s is running out, they ‘renprobably thinking “third one you’re out dudes”. I don’t think we’ll be seeing anfilm from these guys in quite some time. Hollywood producers can be verynunforgiving when it comes to losing their millions.

nI didn’t want to believe Jupiter Ascending was a huge mess ofna film because usually, I’m the guy defending those films that everybody hatesnfor seemingly no reason, like for example Waterworld (1995). Sadly, on this occasion I could clearly see why peoplendidn’t connect with Jupiter Ascending. nIt was clear as daylight. First off, it had a female protagonist andnthat usually spells certain doom for science fiction films. I would love to seenmore female laden science fiction films, sadly, the track recordnshows that female laden sciencenfiction films equals death at the box office. It could be one of two things. Myntheory is not that these films fail because they have women as protagonists;nthey fail because when they decide to cast a female in a sci-fi film and marketnit as such, it’s usually a shitty film like Barb Wire (1996), Aeon Flux (2005),nCatwoman (2004) or Elektra (2005). I cheer every time they put a female lead inna great science fiction film, say something like Charlize Theron in Mad Max:Fury Road (2015) or Noomi Rapace in Prometheus (2012). But both of these films arenrare exceptions and both films were not marketed as having females as leads. Are sci-fi fans mostly chauvinist pigs that won’t go see anmovie if they know a woman is the lead? Or are female leads cast in shittynfilms? Whatever the case may be, Jupiter Ascending was one of the times whennthey cast a female lead in crappy film. What matters to me with movies is notnwhat gender is leading the film, but if the film is a good one, if it entertains,nif it says something. Sadly, Jupiter Ascending failed on all these accounts.

nWhere did Jupiter Ascending go wrong? Why was it a hugenfail? One of the reasons is that this was The Wachowski’s trying to do theirnown version of Frank Herbert’s Dune, unfortunately, it feels like thenWachowski’s bit off more than they could chew, because Dune is not a gee-whiz,nmagical, feel good, happy ending type of novel. It’s deep, complex, political,nreligious and all encompassing; Frank Herbert’s sci-fi classic is the anti-StarnWars and by that I mean, not exactly commercial. It’s dense, it’s epic, yet itnhas heart, it’s passionate. What the Wachowski’s did was make a soulless commercialnversion of Dune. They’ve stolen so many elements from Frank Herbert’s Dunennovels that it’s not even funny. The element of royal families feuding overnplanets, the idea that aristocrats use a drug that makes them more powerful,nthe idea of young people with wisdom beyond their years, these are all elementsntaken from the Dune novels, yet Herbert’s novels deliver all these ideas withngravitas, dignity and solemnity. Jupiter Ascending brings it down to b-movienterritory, accompanied by cheesy dialog and terrible performances. While Dunenkeeps a solemn tone, Jupiter Ascending turns into an overdose of messy computerngenerated effects involving flying boots and incomprehensible laser battles. Inguess the Wachowski’s thought they could pull off a story like Dune, but with annemphasis on action and a dose of ‘cool’ which doesn’t sound so bad. If onlynJupiter Ascending didn’t have so many negative elements going for it, I mightnhave enjoyed it.

n“Flash Gordon approaching”

nWhen I say the film is messy, I’m speaking of the specialneffects heavy action sequences, which have cool concepts and ideas (like thenflying boots) but things move so fast on the screen that all we see is thisnhuge blurry mess, we can’t reallynappreciate what the hell is happening on screen. Sometimes the action happensnfrom so far away, we can’t even appreciate who or what we are seeing. This isnsomething that happened to me once before in a film called The MutantChronicles (2008), a film I totally despised. Well, Jupiter Ascending suffersnfrom this same malady; the camera distances itself from the action so much thatnwe can’t see what the hell is happening; mix that with lightning fast action andnthe end result is you won’t understand a thing happening on screen. The visualsnare too fast and too cramped, at times I felt like I was watching a JacksonnPollock painting, look at all those pretty colors, but what the hell isnhappening? The effects work goes from good to terrible, for example, I lovednthe look of the spaceships, but I hated these terribly animated lizard men thatnkept reminding me of the Koopas from Super Mario Brothers: The Movie (1993).nThese lizard creatures where so obviously computer generated, there was noneffort put into making these creatures look remotely realistic or alive. Also,nfor some reason the film looks very dark, it made it even harder to seenanything.

nJupiter Ascending is infested with ancient clichés that anynknowledgeable filmmaker would try and avoid. For example, they decided tondedicate a whole portion of the film to the age old cliché of having the goodnguy stop the naïve girl from marrying the wrong guy, ugh. That was cool when Insaw it in Flash Gordon (1980), with Flash trying to stop Emperor Ming fromnmarrying Gale. But here it feels old hat because it’s been done to death in anmillion movies before, most recently in John Carter (2012). By the way, thisnwhole thing with the wedding, it plays out exactly like Flash Gordon (1980), sonmuch so that the whole scene felt like a copy paste. I could probably do anwhole list of films that end with a wedding having to be stopped by the goodnguy, so whenever I see this particular cliché I just have to roll my eyes. Yet,nhere are the Wachowski’s, filmmakers who were once considered groundbreaking,ndoing a film that’s filled with every single cliché in the book. They evennincluded the one where the bad guy falls to his death! Come on! Don’t believenthis film is ridden with cliches? Okay, then count the times in which ChanningnTatum rescues Mila Kunis at the last moment from certain doom.

nThen we have the main character, Jupiter Jones played bynMila Kunis, in my opinion, a terrible miscast. She doesn’t come off as strong,nor a possible leader, nothing like say Paul Muadib in Dune. My advice to ThenWachowski’s is, if you’re going to have a female lead a film, at least make herna strong female. Isn’t she supposed to become the leader of a nation? Shouldn’tnshe at least have demonstrated some leadership skills or at the very least be ango getter? Instead, she comes off like some helpless damsel in distress, andnthat my friends is just so passé. Audiences want to see strong women who usentheir brains and smarts to escape their perils. Sadly, Mila Kunis’s characterncomes off as an airhead who hates her life, she hates honest work. She wants tonstay home sleeping. And this is the person to whom incredible responsibilities willnbe bestowed upon? I guess they were going for a Cinderella type of deal, butnwith Cinderella, you felt like she deserved better, Mila Kunis’s characterndoesn’t come off that way. The filmmakers just didn’t demonstrate her changingnor evolving, she doesn’t seem to learn to become responsible, her character doesn’t go through a journey of growth, or what they call a “character arc”. Things just happen. Boom, now she’s royalty, boom know she owns a planet. These magnanimous events don’t seem to affect her much, she just takes forngranted that she is now responsible for a whole planet. Bottom line, Mila Kunisnwas horribly miscast here, she falls in my opinion on the list of beautifulnactresses who can’t act. She’s taken her place right next to Megan Fox. Thenscreenplay with its cheesy dialog, didn’t help much either. It’s been a whilensince I’ve seen a movie squander its cast in such badly written roles; did thendirectors not give a crap about solid performances? Was the script beyondnrepair? Whatever the case, the cast was wasted on this film. Not even recentnOscar winner Eddie Redmayne (The Theory of Everything) can escape from thisnscripts awfulness.

nSo that’s it my friends, this was in my opinion one of thenworst of the year. It’s an overdose of unintelligible CGI. Some reviewers refernto this one as a visual feast, but I don’t, I like to be able to appreciate andnlook at my visual feasts. Bottom line is this was a real disappointment comingnfrom once groundbreaking filmmakers; there was no intent here to be innovativenor interesting. Is there anything good I can say about this movie? Well, Inliked those flying boots that’s for sure, but a movie cannot ride on coolnflying boots alone. Oh and they cast legendary director Terry Gilliam in ancameo in which he plays a bureaucrat, which was awesome because as most filmnbuffs know, Terry Gilliam’s films are always against bureaucracy! And like Insaid, the design work on the spaceships and buildings was interesting, but that’snabout as good a compliment as I can give this movie. Did I mention this hugenmess of a movie is over two hours long? I don’t mind long movies, just as long as they are good. To me Jupiter Ascending was lazy filmmaking, mired by badnwriting and lack of originality. Sure it’s trying to be as epic as Dune, but itnfalls short because it feels like a stupefied version of Dune, which isn’t angood thing.

nRating: 2 out of 5