Indecent Desires (Doris Wishman, 1968)

We’ve all groped dolls when no one is looking. Uh…. Let me put it another way: Every man, woman and child has, at one point in their life, put aside some time in their busy schedule to grope a doll. And the reason we do so is simple: We know the doll doesn’t feel anything. In other words, what’s the harm? I can’t think of any. But what if I told you that every time you groped a doll, a blonde with a pleasantly pronounced booty would be rewarded with the fruits of your clandestine doll groping? You would be pretty excited, wouldn’t ya? Well, you can forget about it, ’cause it ain’t going to happen. You wanna know why, you perverted doll groper? It’s because you don’t have a magic ring. You see, groping a doll without a magic ring on your finger is basically an exercise in pointlessness. However, with the ring properly attached to one of your fingers, you can transport your (indecent) desires onto anyone you see fit. I think it helps if the person you select bares a slight resemblance to the doll you plan on groping. But then again, I’m fairly new to whole doll groping racket, so I could be wrong in that regard. That being said, thanks to Doris Wishman’s decidedly off-kilter Indecent Desires, I’m one step closer to fully understanding the ins and outs of this frightfully unique and frightfully unusual phenomenon.

nNo doubt inspired by Roman Polanski’s Repulsion, Doris Wishman has created a claustrophobic masterpiece that will challenge your perception of reality. Utilizing her tried and true formula–you know, the one that depicts a shapely, somewhat clueless blonde woman becoming deeply unhinged as a direct result of outside forces beyond their control–Doris Wishman has made what I consider to be the most realistic film ever to capture what it’s like to live underneath the dangling serrated dildo that is psycho-sexual tyranny.

nThink about it. How would you feel if at any moment you could be groped by a stranger? No, seriously, think about it. You’re sitting on the bus, minding your own business, when all of a sudden, you feel a hand caressing your inner thighs. And don’t bother looking over your shoulder for the culprit responsible for this unasked for inner thigh rub down, ’cause there’s no one there.

nOf course, there are going to be some sick twists out there who will view all this untoward groping as a step in the right direction. Most normal people, though, will be justifiably horrified by the prospect that they could be, at any given minute, groped by an unseen entity.

nFinding a magic ring and a doll in a trash can while wandering the park on a cold and dreary winter day, Zeb (Michael Alaimo) takes them back to his one room apartment. Putting the magic ring on his finger and placing the doll on a pedestal, Zeb looks at the doll with a cockeyed sense of wonder.

nDid Zeb know he was going to find a doll today? I mean, it looked like he had the pedestal already set up before he came back. Either way, after cleaning the doll’s face with a rag, Zeb enjoys a cup of tea.

nMeanwhile, in a fancy apartment down the street, Ann (Sharon Kent) answers the phone while sort of wearing a towel. Skipping into frame while clutching a towel against her chest, we get our first glimpse of Ann’s outstanding booty as it bounces bodaciously across the room. Telling her friend/co-worker Babs (Jackie Richards) that she’ll be right down, Ann heads, where else, to the living room to put on her black panties, black bra and black garter belt.

nYou’ll notice, as she’s putting these items on, that a pair of light-coloured stockings are laying in a heap on one of the chairs waiting patiently for Ann’s delicious stems to be lovingly poured into them in a slow, deliberate manner. Unfortunately, we don’t see her put them on. Now, did this hosiery-based oversight cause me to throw a conniption fit? Not quite. Sure, I was disappointed, but I have a feeling Doris Wishman will more than make up for it in a future scene.

nWhile walking down the street, Zeb spots Ann and Babs (who is wearing a zebra print trench coat) heading off to work together. As they’re standing at an intersection, something weird occurs. Suddenly and without explanation, the ghostly image of Zeb’s doll appears over top of Ann’s organic structure.

nThe look on Zeb’s face when he realizes that his doll and Ann share the same soul was one of stunned excitement.

nFollowing them to work, Zeb lingers around outside a bit before going home (making sure to check all the payphones along the way for loose change).

nPutting his magic ring on the second he gets home, Zeb approaches the doll. The second he begins to caress it in an erotic manner, Ann feels the touch of his grabbing hands while standing near the water cooler. Unclear as to what just happened, Ann calmly puts her coat on and goes home. Of course, she’s being followed by Zeb, who now knows where Ann lives.

nAs she’s making dinner for her boyfriend, a real dullard named Tom (Trom Little), Ann feels the grabbing hands of Zeb (the power of his groping is so pronounced this time around, it causes her drop the dish she was holding). Not wanting him to see her in this state, Ann basically tells Tom to get lost.

nGroped by Zeb yet again later that day, Ann begins to think that she might be going mad. Checking herself in the bathroom mirror for grope marks (her black gossamer nightie lying in a ball around her supple ankles), Ann can’t seem to figure out what’s wrong with her.

nA sigh of relief washes over the audience, as we finally get to see Ann put on her stockings. However, as she’s slipping them on, Ann hears a noise at the door. Would you look at that, someone left her some freshly picked flowers. She assumes that Tom left the flowers, but we know that is was Zeb who put them there. He might be creepy as all get out, but Zeb knows how to make a bold romantic gesture.

nWatching Ann and Tom as they go for a walk, Zeb begins to fantasize what it would be like if Ann was his girlfriend. Wearing a sharp suit and minus his glasses, Zeb envisions himself as a debonair gentlemen who knows how to treat the ladies right.

nThe decision to give Zeb no dialogue was the correct one, as it gave him an added air of mystery.

nHe might know a thing or two about making bold romantic gestures, but Zeb can also be petty and vindictive. Angry over the fact that Ann is still seeing this Tom jackass, Zeb lashes out at Ann while she’s doing some light reading in lingerie by poking the doll in the face with a lit cigarette. Ouch.

nShe gets a bit of a reprieve when Zeb loses the magic ring, but it’s only temporary. No, it would seem that Ann and Zeb are in this for the duration.

nDo you see the large leafless hedge outside Zeb’s apartment? Well, Zeb walks past it a total of seven times during this film. (You mean to say, you counted the amount of times Zeb walks past the large leafless hedge located outside Zeb’s apartment?) I sure did. (That’s just plain sad.) Watch what he does on the seventh trip past the hedge, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

nContaining all the ingredients I look for in a good sexploitation yarn, this film has a shapely blonde woman with a big booty slowly losing her mind, a downbeat ending, confused head tilting, a small cast (movies with large ensembles annoy me), stockings held up by suspenders attached to a garter belt and a perverted male lead who gropes dolls for a living.

nI don’t want to come off as half-cocked or anything like that, but I’m having a difficult time believing there’s a Doris Wishman film floating around out there that’s better than Indecent Desires.

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