If you feel suicidal, stop to read the following. It will only take you five minutes. I do not want to dissuade you from the reality of your suffering. I will speak to you here only as someone who knows what suffering means.
I do not know who you are or why you are reading this page. I only know that you are reading it right now, and that is a good thing. I can assume that you are here because you are suffering and you are thinking about ending your life. If that were possible, I’d rather be with you right now, sit down with you and talk, face to face and open heart. But since this is not possible, let’s do it through this page.
I knew a number of people who wanted to kill themselves. I myself was in this case. So I have an idea of what you can feel. I know you cannot read a big book, so I’m going to be short. While we are here together for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things to tell you that I would like to share with you. I will not discuss whether you should kill yourself or not. I just think if you think about it, you really have to suffer.
Well, you still read this text, and it’s very good. I would like to ask you to stay with me until the end of this page. I hope this means that you are at least somewhat uncertain, basically, somewhere inside you, whether or not you are really going to end your life. One often feels this, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being in doubt about his death is normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little uncertain. This means that while you want to die, at the same time, part of you wants to continue living. Let us keep to that, and let’s continue a few more minutes.
Start thinking about this sentence:
“Suicide is not a choice, it is driven when the pain goes beyond the resources that allow it to be dealt with.”
In suicide, it is only that. You are not a hateful person, or crazy, or weak, or incapable because you feel suicidal. Having black ideas does not even mean you really want to die – it just means that you have more pain than resources to take care of it now. If I pile weights on your shoulders, you will collapse after a while if I add enough weight … whatever you want to stand. (That’s why it’s so useless for people to say, “Stand up, keep morale!” – you would, of course, if you could.)
Do not accept someone telling you, “There’s nothing suicidal about that.” There are different kinds of suffering that can lead to suicide. That pain is bearable or not different from one person to another. What can be bearable for someone may not be for you. The limit where pain becomes unbearable depends on the kind of resources you have. Individuals are very different in their ability to withstand pain.
When the pain goes beyond the resources to deal with it, the result is suicidal thoughts, “black ideas.” Suicide is then neither false nor true; It is not a defect of character; It is not necessary to judge him morally. It is simply an imbalance of pain in relation to the resources that allow them to be faced.
You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of these things:
(1) Find a way to reduce pain,
Or
(2) Find a way to increase your resources to deal with it.
Or both at the same time.
Here are the five things to consider that I mentioned earlier.
1.The first thing you need to hear is knowing that we are doing well. People who were suffering as much as you did at the moment, have gone out. So you have a very good chance of getting out. I hope this information can give you some hope.
2.The second thing I want to suggest is to give you a hindsight. Say, “I will wait 24 hours before doing anything.” Or a week. Remember that sensations and actions are two different things – that you have the feeling of wanting to kill you, does not mean you have to do it now. Put a step back between your suicidal sensations and a passage to the act. Even if it’s only 24 hours. You were able to 5 minutes by reading this page. You can do it another 5 minutes by continuing to read it. Continue and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting in this direction.
3.The third thing is this: we often think of suicide to find relief for his pain. We do not want to die but stop suffering. Remember that relief is a sensation. And you must be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you are looking for so desperately if you are dead.
4.The fourth thing is this: some will react badly to your suicidal feelings because they are scared or angry; These people can even increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing rash things. You have to understand that their negative reactions have to do with their own fears, not with you.
But there are also people who can be with you during these difficult times. They will not judge you, will not try to contradict you. They will just pay attention to you. Find one. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what’s going on for you. It is normal to be able to ask for help one day. Call a specialist listening line (SOS friendship, call a specialized center near you, or look in the directory), call a psychotherapist (psychoanalyst, psychologist, psychiatrist), someone who is able to help you listen. But most importantly do not carry the extra burden of trying to take care of you alone.
5.The last thing I want you to know now is this: suicidal sensations are, in and by themselves, traumatic. After they disappear, you need to continue to take care of you. Starting therapy is really a good idea.
Good. It’s been a few minutes and you’re still with me. I’m really happy about that.
Since you have been so far, you deserve a gift. I think you should reward yourself by giving you a portion of additional resources to deal with the pain. Remember, earlier in the page, I said the idea is to make sure you have more resources than pain. So give yourself an extra, or two, or ten…! Until they surpass your sources of pain.
Now, if this page could bring you any relief, the best and the greatest resource you can find is someone to talk to. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell him how you feel and how you got there, you will have really increased your resources. Fortunately, the first person you choose will not be the last. There are a lot of people who would like to hear from you. It’s time to start looking for one around you.
And now I want you to call someone.
