I am still a gypsy at heart. It is a part of me that can’t change-Manisha Koirala

Madhureeta Mukherjee (BOMBAY TIMES; September 18, 2019)
A starry launch. A super start. Success, fame and stardom simply followed. Awards and accolades, too. Along with all that razzle-dazzle, came love and heartbreak. The calm and quiet was swept off by rough waters. A life-threatening disease took over, but what was not broken was her spirit. And what was not shaken was hope. And the actress rightly says, “When you see the worst part of life and the best part of life, there’s something that happens to you. You tend to value things and understand life better”. Today, Manisha Koirala is totally in love with life, and the actress, brimming with enthusiasm and ideas, talks to BT about her upcoming film Prassthanam, how she is breaking barriers and climbing mountains (literally), and what her biggest learnings have been. Read on…
You started acting at the age of 18 (in a Nepali film), and made your Bollywood debut in 1991 with Saudagar. Today, at 49, here you are, headlining the cast of a big film like Prassthanam. That is one long journey, with heartbreaks and breaks, and yet, it is one helluva story. Right?
Yes! There have been ups and downs, and it has not been easy, but I must say that life has been wonderful. All the pain and anguish has been worth the journey. I am totally in love with life, and today, I am far wiser and calmer. That whole impish impulsiveness is gone, and I am more mature. But at the same time, there is also a child in me who is excited about everything that lies ahead.
You recently released a memoir, what prompted you to do that? Was it also a way to purge all that you went through? A compelling need to share your story?
It was cathartic. Some of us go through tough and fearful times, and I think it is good to make use of that experience and enhance the quality of our life. For that, I needed to put it in perspective and make sense of it. A lot of things can happen to you, but the important thing here is, what have you derived from it? I have some more ideas in my head, I want to tell those stories, too.
You expressed yourself openly and fearlessly while giving readers a personal account of your life in the book. Yes, we all have flaws and we make mistakes, but confessing them is a brave attempt. How did you muster the courage to do that? Or did you feel that you have nothing to lose?
Firstly, when you are impacted with cancer, you have faced the other side. So, the point from where I was looking, I knew that I couldn’t bullshit or lie to my readers. I couldn’t make up things either. Ultimately, facing death is the real truth of life. And I think that being so close to death, gave me courage. Secondly, for my own sake, it was important to be honest. Maybe, cancer does that to you. When you face something so brutal and real, it makes you see life in a different way. We all are human beings and we all are flawed, and in the book, I was not trying to project myself as a perfect person, or someone who has all the answers. I don’t. If you ask me if there was fear in expressing myself so openly, yes, there was. There were times when I could see that I was stressing about it, and I wasn’t sure about how people would respond to all that there was in it. I went through swings of doubt and fear, wondering…will people accept it? Will they start judging me again? Will people mock me or taunt me? But I am so glad that I stuck to my gut feeling, and eventually, believed in what I was doing.
You said that being diagnosed with cancer helped you identify all that was wrong in your life. Having identified that, how has life changed now?
My perception towards life has changed. I have started valuing my life, time, work and friendships. Today, no way will I miss a day of shoot and there is no way that I will not give it my 200 per cent. I am aware that now I have this, tomorrow I might not have it. Today, I have this life, tomorrow I might not.
Talking about valuing life and making the most of it, you recently trekked up to the Mt Everest base camp. You are scaling new heights, literally…
Yes, I trained for three-four months for it, though I would say that one should train for six months or more. I was in the middle of writing and releasing my book, so I had a lot going on. In the last three months before the trip, I started training really hard. I went with my school friends, and it was an amazing experience. When you are in the mountains, there is no five-star luxury. If you get a clean toilet, and a shower, you should consider it a luxury. When you look at what is in front of you, the humongous mountains and the beauty of it all, you forget these discomforts. It is humbling.
Would you have challenged yourself and pushed your limits, if you hadn’t gone through what you did in life?
I don’t think so. I would not have the kind of guts and discipline that I needed for this. I would say kal karenge, kal karega, aur kal kabhi aata hi nahin. My friends were also instrumental in this. They all live in different parts of the world, and every time we met, we’d fondly talk about our school days. Then we decided, why don’t we create some new memories, so that we can talk about newer things and not just what we have already experienced in life. Next, we are planning to go to Mt. Kilimanjaro (Tanzania).
Last year, you played Nargis Dutt in the biopic Sanju (based on Sanjay Dutt’s life). And now, in Prassthanam, you are playing his wife. In the last decade, he has personally gone through a lot, too. Were you in touch with him all these years?
We have been in touch on and off. He went through a rough patch, we were all his well-wishers, and we prayed for him. I have worked with him over the years, and I know that he’s a good guy who supports the weakest in the shooting unit. When you see the worst part of life and the best part of life, there’s something that happens to you. You tend to value things and understand life better.
In your entire career, you have never been a part of any particular group or camp. You have pretty much been on your own, haven’t you?
I was never part of any camp. I was always floating here and there (laughs!). It was also because I didn’t really form such relationships, so I could not be a part of any group.
Do you wish you had forged more friendships in the industry?
Maybe I should have. Today, I have better bonds with some actors and filmmakers. I guess I am giving such friendships more time now. I know that this is the place (movie industry) where I have spent so many years and I see myself spending more time here. So yes, I wish that I had forged thicker friendships here. That’s a learning.
So much has changed in Bollywood over the decade. According to you, what about it stands out the most?
A lot has changed in Bollywood. The quality of cinema and performances have improved. Our movies are more realistic now, back in the days, we were more melodramatic. On set, now I keep asking my directors to tell me if I am slipping back into my melodramatic mode. I tell them…. ‘Don’t forget where I come from’ (laughs!). I think our cinema is more about realism right now, in terms of stories and performances. The viewers are accepting different kinds of subjects, so it’s no longer restricted to the typical Bollywood films — with song and dance. I saw Badhaai Ho, and I thought, ‘What a concept and what a lovely story’.
A huge part of that change is the role of women in cinema — in front of the camera and behind the scenes. Today, interesting roles are being written for women (even though the number is not boast-worthy yet), actresses are talking about pay parity, fighting for meaty roles, et al. The Bollywood space was different for actresses in the early nineties. Would you agree?
I think by and large, there is a shift to feminine power, worldwide, and now cinema is also reflecting that. Women are standing up and talking about things that matter to them and affect them. They are becoming bolder and speaking their mind. It is no longer men versus women. Some amazing men are seen supporting women’s issues. If I were at this stage of my career years back, I would probably be doing only mom and sister’s roles. That’s it. Today, 40-plus actresses are getting such good opportunities to perform. So, it’s no longer about just including a pretty young thing in a movie, it’s much more than that.
Needless to say, everything around movies has undergone a sea change, too. The way films are promoted, the influence of social media, the paparazzi culture… And every actor is grappling with all this, while managing a full-fledged acting career. It is tough business…
I think it can get exhausting. Nowadays, people have become unforgiving. We were blessed that many of our mistakes were forgiven. I think it is a very stressful time for actors. I feel for the younger generation, as I know that they have to look their prettiest best at all times — whether they are at the gym or the airport. I think it is challenging, but I guess they are doing it well. I try to catch up, but there are moments when I feel like running away. It gets too much. I am trying to get my head around social media, I am understanding it, slowly. To an extent, talking about where you are and what you are doing is okay, but feeling the need to do it all the time, is too taxing.
In this phase, has your criteria for choosing a film changed?
Absolutely! I will not be irresponsible, and I will think 10 times over before taking on a project. I say no to more roles now than ever before. In the past, I took on many films thinking that if I had one hit followed by 10 flops, it is fine. Today, you can’t think that way. More than anything else, I don’t want to waste my time. Also, every decision is not a business decision. There are certain choices that you make totally from the heart and because you want to work with someone who is a friend or who is like family.
Elaborating on what you just said, I have heard a lot of senior actors say that while they are happy about the way our cinema has evolved, the flip side to this is that our film industry, which was known to function on dosti-yaari, has become very business-like. Your thoughts?
I will not take names, but a couple of years back, there was a film that enjoyed huge success, and the director who made that film had a series of flops prior to that. He went to a certain lead actor and requested him to be a part of his film and give him a chance. The actor agreed, and eventually, the film did really well. That decision was made from the heart. Even if the film had not worked, the gesture of the actor was what mattered. That is a quality that actors and filmmakers of my generation have. I guess that is lacking a bit in the younger breed, and it is something that they can learn from the senior generation in the industry.
Aren’t you glad that you don’t have to be a part of the race to get that ‘100-crore actress’ tag, or compete to be a part of the coveted 100 crore+ club at this stage? Do you even remember the box-office figures of any of your films?
I don’t know the box-office numbers of most of my films. In fact, I don’t remember the numbers of even a single film that I was a part of. I think we had more relaxed times. We did our work, we focused on things like… iss film mein accha kaam kiya, uss film mein kharab kaam kiya. That’s all. We didn’t discuss box-office collections like this. We were forgiven, even after we made so many mistakes. Now, if you make a single mistake, it is so hard. Hence, all the actors are on their toes all the time.
Did you miss facing the camera during the years when you took a break for health reasons?
I didn’t realise it then, but yes, I did. I didn’t even realise that I love my work so much. I always thought that I would get bored at some point, and would want to do something else, because at heart, I am a bit of a gypsy and a nomad. I thought my interest in acting was a passing phase, but it wasn’t. Interestingly, I never got bored or tired of acting. I love it, and I see myself doing it for as long as I can.
Are you still a gypsy at heart?
Yes, I am still a gypsy at heart. It is a part of me that can’t change. It is my core. Sometimes, I wonder…where do I really belong. Then I tell myself, right now, I belong here. I don’t know about tomorrow.