Going Forward After the Breakup
“He who is devoid of the power to forgive, is devoid of the power to love.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.
As a relationship coach, I often work with people who ask how they can begin to move forward after a breakup. The answer is found in the heart and in forgiveness.
Forgiving your previous partner (all partners) is absolutely key to healing your heart and being able to attract a healthy partner in the future. People who do not forgive and heal end up unwittingly making similar choices in their next relationship, experiencing deja-vu, and asking, “How did this happen to me again?”
More than anything else, the inability to forgive destroys the one who holds the grudge, keeping the person stuck in a pattern of negativity and resentment. Remember that when you are loving and forgiving, the world will always give you that in return. If we consider that our partners did the best they could with where they are and the tools they have, and if we accept radical responsibility for everything that we attract in our lives, we realize there is nothing to forgive.
The Laws of Attraction tell us that we are the creators of our reality. So what we need to do is ask why we attracted this experience and what our soul needs to learn from it. From here, we can even move into gratefulness for this partner who has been our sacred mirror and teacher.
It’s important, then, when a relationship ends to take that time to go inside. Don’t keep yourself overly busy to avoid feeling the pain or focusing on angry feelings for the former partner. Instead, take some time to reflect on yourself. Ask God, the Universe, or your Higher Self to help you stay in your heart during this grieving process.
It is important to let yourself grieve, to cry if you need to. But don’t indulge indefinitely; give yourself a time limit and do not get lost in grief. You want to get to a place where you can honor and appreciate the gifts you received and release all negative thoughts and emotions about the partner or relationship.
If you stay in your heart, you can be grateful for the love that was shared, for all the joy and wonder that your relationship has given you and that can never be erased. Allow the memories of the gifts you received to ease your pain and open your heart even more. Know that love is always a gift. From your heart, think about why you attracted this partner and meditate or pray for guidance in understanding the lessons that your soul needed to learn in the relationship and in the ending of it. Once you understand without any negativity in your heart, you will to be free for greater love and passion.
Use this process to grow and to ask yourself how you can be a better partner in your next relationship—and that may include attracting a more appropriate partner.
Be very honest in your reflections. Maybe the truth is that you knew from the beginning this wasn’t the right person for you. Maybe there were red flags you ignored. Maybe you realize you were taking your partner for granted. Whatever the truths are, acknowledge them and learn from them.
Discard the illusions of victims and blame, and allow yourself to see the truth and learn. If you can learn from this, then your sadness will fade away and be replaced with gratitude for the gifts and growth you received.
Once you have worked through any negativity, taken responsibility and are in a place of gratitude, begin to think about the love that you wish to draw into your life in the future. Even though you may not feel ready for a new relationship now, focusing on this while your heart is open can be very helpful.
So take some time to envision the relationship that fills your heart’s deepest longing. Feel now a sense of knowing that when it is time, when you are ready, you will attract this partner to you. If you keep an open heart and realize the truth that there is nothing to forgive and only gratitude to hold on to, you will grow and learn, rather than making same mistakes again. And you will be ready to attract the perfect partner the next time around.
