nAhh, look at me. I’m staring in the general direction of a motion picture of some kind, and, get this, I want to write words about it for some inexplicable reason. Now, I wasn’t entirely sure if they still made motion pictures, or, “movies,” as they’re sometimes referred to. So, just to be safe, I selected one from a time period I knew was rife was movies. 1986, baby! I also picked one that featured plenty of disgustingly beautiful guys unloading lukewarm seminal fluid all over ultra-soft girl flesh. Why? Because that’s what I like to pretend I like to watch/wallow in. Duh. I ain’t kidding around, when the exhaustive orgy at the centre of Alex de Renzy’s Babyface 2 goes into overdrive, I knew I had made the right choice. Actually, I felt a warm tingly sensation (where? I’d rather not say) when Jamie Gillis emerges from the cake at a well-attended bachelorette party taking place in some unnamed porno-soaked iridescent pantie stain of a city. Call me seriously unwell, but I’d rank Jamie Gillis introduction in Babyface 2 to be easily one of the greatest moments in cinema. Hyperbole? Maybe. Well, definitely, maybe, as I don’t remember what ‘hyperbole’ means exactly. Just a second… an exaggerated statement or claim. Right. It might be that, but I swear to Satan, the sight of Jamie Gillis being all gross and slovenly as the stripper at a well-attended bachelorette party taking place in some unnamed rape-tinged overused diaphragm of a city was fucking glorious. Proving that he still knows a thing or two about defying conventions (from an anal and allegorical point of view), Alex de Renzy casts Jamie Gillis instead of, oh, let’s say, the frightfully dim Francois Papillon as the stripper.
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nGet it? Stroke? Most of the people (i.e. dudes) watching this movie will, at some point, stroke their blood-filled cock for pleasure-related purposes. Don’t blame them for doing so, they do the bulk of their thinking with those things. Hmmm, I wonder what Ernest Borgnine’s final erection would have thought of that pun? (You mean his final deathbed erection?) Yeah, that erection. I wonder about stuff like that when I’m not ovulating.
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nAnyway, I happen to think Jamie Gillis is gorgeous… in Waterpower from the mid-1970s. However, this film is from the mid-1980s. In other words, Jamie Gillis, to put it bluntly, looks like a scumbag. Yet, despite his overt scumbaggery, I can’t help but overtly love the creepy fucking fuckface fucker.
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nI want to elope with the mustard stains on his undershirt… do crack cocaine on the outskirts of a fever dream until the end of time.
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nOut of all the cocks that appear in this movie, I’d say the one attached to Kevin James is the most appealing from a I want to suck it standpoint.
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nThe main draw from a “I like to bang hot chicks all night long” angle, is, of course, Taija Rae and Lois Ayres.
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nI know, I know, why didn’t open with a protracted soliloquy on the merits of Taija Rae’s robust thighs or Lois Ayres’ to die for new wave hairdo. Well, first things first, things are slightly different now. My brain is soaking in the mucus-laden contents of Tyne Daly’s designer colostomy bag. So… That being said, I was relieved to see Jerry Butler’s working class pelvic region cause Taija Rae’s thick, Philly-raised buttocks ripple as a direct result of his equally working class pelvic thrusts. I sorely missed watching Jerry Butler mount Taija Rae for sex-related purposes.
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nIn fact, there were many moments in this film that caused me to get somewhat emotional. I didn’t cry, exactly. But I started to realize midway through Babyface 2 how much I love well made sleaze. And Babyface 2 is definitely well made. Granted, it’s not quite up to the level of Alex de Renzy’s Pretty Peaches, Pretty Peaches 2, Pretty Peaches 3, or even Femmes de Sade. But it’s way better than most of the putrid garbage floating around out there.
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nYou could say, the film’s biggest star is the wind machine, which keeps a steady indoor breeze going for the entire length of the film’s epic orgy scene. But I won’t say that… even though I sort of just did.
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nIt’s no secret, Taija Rae, Lois Ayres and Jamie Gillis are three of my favourite actors. And each get plenty of screen time.
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nHowever, in the early going, the film belongs to Lois Ayres and Kevin James (Johnny Rico from Café Flesh).
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n(Why did you watch the video for “Magic” by The Cars before starting this review?)
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nExcellent question. First off, it’s a great song/video (Ric Ocasek is seen walking on water in a pool… in a gaudy blazer… ’nuff said). And secondly, rumour doesn’t have it that Alex de Renzy got the inspiration to make Babyface 2 after seeing the video on MTV. Oh, the reason I didn’t said, “rumour doesn’t have it,” instead of the usual “rumour has it,” is because I just made it up. That being said, this film’s main theme does sort of sound like “Magic” by The Cars.
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nPicking up Lois, his cheerleading girlfriend in his white Trans Am, Kevin takes her to a shed (the owner of this shed is never revealed… maybe we’ll learn his or her identity in Babyface 3??? …whenever de Renzy gets his probably senile ass around to making it), so they have standard heterosexual sex in private. Now, while fucking in a shed isn’t exactly commonplace, it’s easily the most normal sex scene in the movie.
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nOf course, since the scene features Lois Ayres, I couldn’t help but be drawn to Lois’ hair and makeup. And laugh when Kevin James takes off his sneakers (Velcro!)
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nI did notice the garden tools hanging on the wall of the shed. As they fornicated, I kept imagining Lois and Kevin being brutally murdered with that giant tree pruner.
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nIn what has to be one of the most romantic things ever, Kevin offers to use his sock to clean the physical representation of his orgasm off Lois’ back.
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nShe doesn’t want his twitching seed slowly dying on her back as the rest of the day progresses, so he wipes away his sticky discharge with one of his socks. And they say chivalry is dead.
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nAfter we’re done at the mystery shed, we’re quickly whisked to Careena Collins’ bachelorette party.
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nEveryone is there, Lois Ayres (sex toy enthusiast), Taija Rae (lingerie whore), Stacey Donovan (the world’s biggest Skinny Puppy fan), Kristara Barrington (cock-starved shill for fruit flavoured lube), Lynn Francis (calamari!!!!! – my epic cunt smells like a dirty dish rag), and, of course, Careena Collins (her screams will be forever muffled by Jamie Gillis’ filthy boxer shorts).
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nThey play with sex toys, they giggle uncontrollably, they try on lingerie, they watch porno tapes, they… do a shitload of girly ass shit. It’s fucking awesome.
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nIt’s not a bachelorette party without a male stripper… Enter… Jamie Gillis. Like I said earlier, greatest entrance of all-time… hands down.
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nDrunk, dishevelled and drunk (Booger from Revenge of the Nerds/Bluto from Animal House), Jamie Gillis dances erotically for the chicks for a pretty long time. Wanting more, the ladies demand to see some skin. Give them a “proper show,” as one of them puts it. Warning the women that they will be overcome with lust if he gets hard, Jamie Gillis unfurls his dirty, dry piss-covered erection… and, yeah… all hell breaks loose (clench your crevices, kids).
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nThe woman are, just like Jamie Gillis said they would be, overcome with lust, and start demanding cock.
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nLuckily for the women, a bunch of guys (and their cocks) do show up (including Tom Byron and Dick Rambone… Jesus), and the orgy to end all orgies breaks out.
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nIs the orgy scene exhausting? You bet it is. Did it cause me to think about how ridiculous the universe is when you get right down to it? How the fuck should I know? I was drunk on cloudy pickle brine when I watched this. However, you have got to admire a film that boasts an extensive orgy scene while a wind machine blasts the whole time. Think about it. Filming an orgy sounds like a logistical nightmare. Add the fact that the whole thing is done with a wind machine set on high, and you’ve got a potential disaster on your hands. While I’m sure the shooting of this sequence was difficult, the end result is nothing short of brilliant. Even if you have zero interest in watching 1980s drug addicts fuck on film, you have got to admire the execution. I mean, this is art.
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nIt took me eight years to get around to watching Babyface 2. It was recommended to me by a blogger named “Gore Gore Girl.” And I promised her that I would watch and review it someday. Um, sorry for taking so long. In my defense, I was waiting for a company like, Vinegar Syndrome, to put out a remastered, uncut version, and, yeah… the film looks amazing. It’s a masterpiece.
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nJust realized it’s the ten year anniversary of HOSI. Wait. Ten years?!? That’s some fucked up shit right there.
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