Sheena (1984)

nTitle: Sheena (1984)

nDirector: John Guillermin

nCast: Tanya Roberts, Ted Wass

nReview:

nSheena comes to us from director John Guillermin, the mastermind behind King Kong (1976) which by the way is an excellent King Kongnmovie, yeah it’s got one or two effects that are a bit outdated, but overall,nKing Kong is a pretty good remake in my book. Unfortunately Guillermin alsondirected King Kong Lives (1986), the sequel, which is a total joke. It’s thenConan the Destroyer (1984) of King Kong movies, the sequel that is a joke whenncompared to its original. Not that that’s a bad thing, Conan the Destroyer andnKing Kong Lives are still fun movies to watch, but because they are ‘bad’, andnyou know how that goes with me, I love me some cheese. So anyhows, believe it or not, Sheena is a film based on a comic book and an important one at that. Sheena was the first female character to have her own comic book series. She’s kind of like the female version of Tarzan, both characters having lots of similarities in background and story. She was created by comic book legend Will Eisner and Samuer Maxwell Iger. The first issue of Sheena was printed as far back as 1937! Producers had been meaning to make this film for a while, and when it finally got green lit with John Guillermin at the helm, cameras were ready to roll. Was Sheena going to be another ‘so bad its good’ movie from director JohnnGuillermin?

nFirst issue of Sheena: Queen of the Jungle

nSheena tells the tale of a little American girl who getsnstranded in Africa when her parents die in an earthquake while studying a typenof earth that can apparently heal deceases! The baby girl is picked up by annAfrican tribe, and a tribe woman called Shaman, raises Sheena as her ownndaughter. Shaman eventually teachesnSheena the ability to communicate with all types of animals telepathically. As Sheenangrows into a warrior of the tribe, so do her powers. Her abilities are put tonthe test when Shaman, the woman who raised Sheena, is framed for the murder of a political leader.nCan Sheena save Shaman from the clutches of the despotic political leader?

nTanya Roberts was on a roll for a while there during the 80’s.nShe’d done her part on the Charlies Angels television show replacing Shelley Hack and alsondid The Beastmaster (1982) for director Don Coscarelli, a film in which shenplays a slave girl, a side kick of sorts to Dar, the titular Beastmaster. Onnthat one she had gratuitous nude scenes, wore very little clothes and falls in lovenwith Dar, who had the ability to communicate with animals. Well, Sheena has anfew similarities with The Beastmaster, but at the same time, it’s a veryndifferent kind of film. Sheena can be seen as a female version of The Beastmasternbecause both films are about scantily clad heroes who lose their homes at thenhands of a villainous leader. Both characters have control over animals, but here’snwhere the differences step in: while The Beastmaster is a fantasy film fillednwith swords and magic, Sheena is a bit more rooted in reality, mind you I said “anbit”. After all, Sheena does talk to animals telepathically! But that’s reallynas close as it gets to a fantasy film. The story has a bit of political intriguengoing for it which involves an assassination plot to kill a political leader.

nNow here’s where the funny comes in; the worst thing aboutnthis movie is the best thing about this movie. I of course speak of thenbeautiful Tanya Roberts, she’s candy to my eyes, unfortunately her acting isn’tnall that great. Her lines are spoken robotically, as if she has troublenspeaking the English language because she was brought up by an African tribe,nbut the fake accent is just terrible. The lines in this movie will have younhollering! It’s not a bad movie to make fun off actually. There’s this momentnin which Sheena becomes the leader of her tribe and gives one of these speechesnthat’s supposed to sound rousing and uplifting, but begins and ends with anwhimper, Tanya just couldn’t pull that intense scene off convincingly. She wasnnominated for the “worst actress” award at The Razzies that year for hernperformance on Sheena, and deservedly so. She was again nominated for worstnactress at The Razzies a couple of years after that for her performance in AnView to a Kill (1986). I guess she was the Megan Fox of her day, a beauty withnno acting abilities whatsoever.

nBut no matter how bad of an actress she is, no one can take TanyanRobert’s beauty away from her! Speaking bluntly, Mrs. Robert’s is one ultra hotncookie and I say “is” because I did a search, just to see what she’s lookingnlike today and she’s still looking great! In Sheena, director John Gillerminnexploits Tanya Robert’s sexuality every chance he gets, and apparently Mrs.nRoberts had no problems with that whatsoever, after all, she had done a nudenpictorial for the October 1982 issue of Playboy magazine to promote ThenBeastmaster, so she’s a lady who has no problems with showing her physicalnattributes. Sheena has moments that will make the words “gratuitous nuditynscene” flash on and off in your mind. There’s this scene in which Sheena isnscaling a tree and the camera is looking up… holy moly, if that isn’t gratuitousnI don’t know what is! And the scene just goes on and on and on! Tanya Robertsnastounding beauty makes me wonder why her career didn’t take off in a biggernway, I mean, worst actresses have made it further on good looks alone. By thenway, you haven’t lived until you’ve seen Tanya Roberts riding a zebra down thenAfrican tundra! So yeah, this film exploited Mrs. Robert’s sensuality andnstatus as 80’s sex symbol.

nOne of the finer aspects of the film is that it was entirelynshot in Africa; which of course helps a medium budget film like this one a lot.nI have to hand it to director John Guillermin for taking advantage of the beautifulnAfrican locations! The movie might be filled to the brim with bad dialog, but damnnthose shots of the African landscape are awesome. I also liked how they broughtnin so many animals for the film, you really do see Sheena interacting with a lotnof animals, hypos, giraffes, lions, tigers, rhinos, snakes…there’s all matternof animals on this one, I was surprised to see how close some of these actorsngot to the lions! Director John Gillermin had previously filmed other films thatntook place in Africa like Shaft in Africa (1973), which by the way was shotnpartially in Africa and he’d also shot a couple of Tarzan films entitled Tarzan’snGreatest Adventure (1959) and Tarzan Goes to India (1962) . So all thisnexperience with Africa and animals and heroic characters swinging from vinesnhelped him when the time came to travel to Africa and shoot Sheena.nUnfortunately, the script was beyond terrible, the surrounding scenery might havenbeen awe inspiring, but the dialog is pure cheese. The script kept gettingnre-written and re-written and bouncing from studio to studio before it gotngreen lit, what perplexes me is how the script still ended up being terribleneven though it went through so many writers! This proves once again that thenrule of thumb for screenplays in Hollywood is, the more writers on any givennproject, the worse the screenplay is going to be.

nWeird thing is that no matter how bad the movie turned outnto be, I still ended up watching it to the very end. I wanted to see just hownfunny things were going to get, the apex of the whole thing for me was whennSheena is swinging from vines like Tarzan and we can clearly see it’s a mannequinnthat’s doing the swinging! Ha ha ha, that had me cracking up! You can even seenstrings attached to the dummy! But again, the movie has many good things goingnfor it, it’s got action and adventure, and even a bit of soap opera romance innit. Not as bad as some might have you believe, it’s actually a fun movie. DirectornJohn Guillermin’s cinematic career was over after his double knock out of Sheenanand King Kong Lives. Sheena was seen as the stinker of the year! Strange how Infind both films alluring none the less, I guess it’s that high quotient of 80’sncheese that I love.

nRating: 3 out of 5