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nTitle: Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold (1986)
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nDirector: Gary Nelson
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nCast: Richard Chamberlain, Sharon Stone, James Earl Jones
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nReview:
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n Allan Quatermain andnthe Lost City of Gold is a sequel to King Solomon’s Mines (1985) which in turnnwas a cheesy, low budget Indiana Jones wannabe, mind you an enjoyable one.nYeah, these movies were cashing in on the popularity of the Indiana Jonesnmovies in the same way that all those cheesy Italian Indiana Jones rip offs didnduring the 80’s, films like The Mines of Kilimanjaro (1986) or The Ark of thenSun God (1984). Cool thing about these Quatermain movies is that no matter hownsilly or stupid they maybe, I find them incredibly entertaining. Why? Well,nprobably because nobody takes themselves too seriously here, it’s all in goodnfun. The point of these movies is to be stupid and silly. Both of these AllannQuatermain movies were shot back to back and released various years apart. Thenfirst film, King Solomon’s Mines, received better reviews then its sequel,nwhich many consider to be a lesser film. But if you ask this Film Connoisseur, Inreally can’t tell the two apart in terms of mood or quality, to me they are both goofynadventure movies, both of them are super fun in my book.
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nOn this one, Allan Quatermain must travel to Africa innsearch of a lost civilization, a “lost white tribe” that lives in a hidden citynof gold. Apparently, his brother, who’s also an adventurer (adventure runs innthe family it seems) went searching for the mythical “lost city of gold”,nproblem is he never came back. So of course, Quatermain must go in search ofnhis sibling. On his journey he’s accompanied by his trusty sidekick/lover Jessen(Sharon Stone), an African adventurer, professional axe wielder and warriorncalled ‘Umslopogaas’ (James Earl Jones) and an Indian “wise man” who is morenlike a wise ass/comedic relief type of character; together they go in search ofnfortune and glory and Quatermain’s long lost brother. Of course perils awaitnthem along the way, including a tribe of blood thirsty cannibals! Will they evernmake it to the City of Gold alive and find Quatermain’s brother?
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nThe thing about this movie is that while most of the time itnmanages to be fast paced, adventurous and entertaining (with some silly dialognto boot!) what makes watching this movie a funny affair is that sometimes itsnlow ‘budgetness’ is so blaringly obvious! For example, there are a couple ofnmoments in which Allan Quatermain has to jump great distances, or hang on forndear life at the border of a cliff or something and right there above him youncan see these huge fat cables holding the actor! I wouldn’t mind so much if itnhappened maybe once, but god, you can see those freaking cables so many timesnon this movie! They didn’t even bother hiding those suckers with lighting orntrick photography or nothing, they just left them there! No time or money tonhide them in post-production! It’s just hilarious when you can spot them, sonknock yourselves out trying to spot them! Funny thing is that this movie comes to us from director Gary Nelson, the director who also made Disney’s The Black Hole (1979), a film that also suffered from visible cables!
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nHey mister, Gene Simmons wants his hair back!
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nAnother thing is that some truly nonsensical things willnhappen from time to time. For example, there’s this moment in which thencharacters are making their way through a cave, and these snake like monstersnpop out from the ground and the walls! I say this is nonsensical because thisnis not a fantasy film or anything, this is an adventure film, not a monsternfilm, so suddenly seeing these crazy snake monsters (that resemble NOTHING fromnthe real world) popping out of these walls, you tend to question what the hellnthey are and why the main characters don’t even question their existence? Theynjust chop them up and kill them and move on to the next action sequence. He he…thosenlittle creatures felt so out of place on this movie! It’s as if the filmmakersnjust looked for the silliest excuse to make the film more interesting, so yeah,nlet’s throw some snake creatures in there! Too funny! Another set piece hasthenground open up for no reason whatsoever, as if some sort of earthquake suddenlynoccurs or something, but you can tell it’s just this big ass set, and the floornopens up like some giant ass elevator door! It doesn’t look like an earthquake;nit looks like revolving doors opening up to some secret underground lair ornsomething! Not realistic in the least!
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nThings get more hilarious when Quatermain and crew arrive atnthe titular “Lost City of Gold”. This is where things get just a littlennuttier. The leader of the tribe is this crazy religious nut who looks likenGene Simmons from KISS, you gotta see this guy, he likes to dip people in goldnfor some reason. The religion he’s created for the people of the lost citynrequire human sacrifices, but the people don’t want them anymore, so suddenlynthe film turns into a film about boycotting this crazy religious leader. Evenncrazier, the queen of this city is played by Cassandra Peterson! That’s rightnmy friends, Elvira is their queen! By the way, she looks great in her queennregalia. To top things off, the City of Gold looks like a really cheap ass set,nwith stair cases meant to look imposing, but ultimately end up lookingnunimpressive. Want more nonsensical events? How about Quatermain charging up answord with lightning like He-Man and then using the lightning infused sword tonmelt a golden statue? So he can bathe the bad guy in Gold? Crazy I tell ya! Bottomnline with this movie for me is that it’s so bad it’s good. It’s so bad, it’snhilarious! This is the movie that Sharon Stone doesn’t want you to see, well,nthis and Catwoman (2004), but who cares what Sharon Stone thinks of thisnawesome slice of 80’s b-movie madness? I say give it a spin if you want tonlaugh yourself silly and have a fun night of cheese.
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nRating: 2 1/2 out ofn5
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