The Expendables 3 (2014)

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nThe Expendables 3 (2014)

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nDirector: Patrick Hughes 

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nCast: Sylvester Stallone, Mel Gibson, ArnoldnSchwarzennegger, Harrison Ford, Jason Statham, Wesley Snipes, Dolph Lundgren,nKelsey Grammer, Antonio Banderas, Jet Li

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nSo this is the third film in a franchise which up to thisnpoint had been going strong, unfortunately, thanks to piracy, this third outingnlost a lot of millions at the box office because who’s going to see a movienthat’s been out on dvd for weeks before it’s hit theaters right? Sadly this wasnthe case with The Expendables 3, piracy killed its chances at the box office, ansimilar thing happened with X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), everyone hadnalready seen it by the time it hit theaters. But to be honest, you weren’tngoing to be missing much if you’d gone to see The Expendables 3 in theaters. Thisnmovie might have its fun moments, but it’s also the worst in the series. I hadnfun with some of the inside jokes, but overall, it felt very uneven, like theynwere just going through the motions. Stallone, Arnold, et al all seem bored bynthe whole thing. In my opinion, it felt as if they weren’t even trying to do angood movie. Yes my friends, we’re talking about a potential “franchise killer”nhere; we talking about the movie that kills the franchise’s chances toncontinue. What exactly went wrong here? A lot of things! If you want to knownmore, read on my friends!

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nThis time around the Expendables are after an internationalnarms dealer called Stone Banks, played by Mel Gibson. I’m not even going to trynand go into story because there isn’t any; it’s all filler between actionnscenes. By this I mean that they try and give the movie some “drama” but itncomes off as forced and clichéd, as if they were giving these characters fakenproblems simply to fill the movie with running time, it doesn’t feel genuine. Butnthen again, melodrama isn’t something I’m looking for in these types of films,nthey should’ve just kept the action going, because when these guys try and getnmelodramatic, it just doesn’t work. So anyhow, at most, what the fillernsurmounts to is Stallone getting rid of the old guys and gathering a new teamnto help him catch an old enemy. That’s about it. And here’s the big problem with the movie for me, we came tonsee The Expendables because we want to see our favorite action stars from then80’s and 90’s doing what they do best, blowing shit up. I wanted to see more ofnWesley Snipes, I wanted more of Arnold and Stallone, I wanted more ofneverybody! Hell, Jet Li doesn’t even fight in this movie! What a joke, why evennbother bringing him in if he’s going to do next to nothing in the film? 

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nUnfortunately,non this entry they decided to get rid of the old guys we came to see andnreplaced them for a huge chunk of the movie with a new, younger team. Now Innormally wouldn’t have a problem with it, but the guys they chose say nothingnto me. They needed to bring in the new wave of action stars. I would’venincluded The Rock in there, I would’ve included I don’t know, somebody whonrepresents today’s action stars. Which brings to mind a question: just who arenthe action heroes of today? Truth is there are not many, which is probably whynthey brought in all these guys nobody’s ever heard of. Kind of like what theynwant to do with the new Ghostbusters film. The plan with the new Ghostbustersnfilm is to bring in a new batch of Ghostbusters for the new  generation, and that’s fine and dandy, gonahead and do it, but you know they better bring in some funny guys to replacenthe originals, or else it’s just not gonna work! Same principal applies with thesennew Expendables they brought in for this new movie, Sadly, these new guys…well,nthey just don’t do it for me. Save for Antonio Banderas who steals the show innmy book. He was the only saving grace in the film.

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nWhat else went wrong, well, they toned down the violence.nWhat the hell where they thinking? I mean, these films are supposed to be anhomage to the violent, blood drenched films of the 80’s and suddenly you’renanything but that. Suddenly you’re all about CGI helicopters and CGI explosions?nI want to feel the heat in my freaking face! I want explosions like the ones Inused to see in films like Action Jackson (1988)! Where you could practicallynsmell the napalm! But no, sadly, I felt detachment. So much of this film isncomputer generated you won’t feel like your right there in the action. Theynshould have kept the action real and in your face, because that’s what us oldnaction fans crave, that’s what we miss. We want the adrenaline rush of seeingnStallone fight against real freaking helicopters, like the ones we saw in RambonIII (1988). Remember that one? Rambo goes up against freaking choppers on thatnone! Where’s that type of action? Sad part is that Stallone, who starred in sonmany of these awesome action films of the 80’s (like Cobra for example) should’venknow better. He should know what we want to see and feel in an action movienthat’s supposed to be paying homage to a bygone era of action films. Sadly, ThenExpendables 3 turned into just another detached, modern action film, whichnmeans, its crap. Modern action films simply don’t compare to the glory days ofnaction films from the 80’s. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, watch ThenExpendables 3, then follow it by watching Cobra (1986), or Lethal Weapon (1987),nyou’ll feel a shift in tone immediately. From bullshit to, shit just got real.

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nSo yeah, shame on Stallone for not getting this one rightnbecause out of all the people out there, he should’ve known better. He freakingnlived through the eighties and was one of the prime representatives of whatnaction films, real action films, were all about. My advice next time would bento get a decent director who understands what these movies are supposed to benabout and not some rookie who’s only done one other obscure film. News flashnItalian Stallion: the guy behind the camera matters! Also, give us what wenwant, we want to see our favorite action stars from the 80’s during the entirenfilm, we don’t want to see them for twenty minutes in the opening and twentynminutes in the ending of the film, we want to see an entire film with thesenguys. And if you’re going to put in new members, at least make them matter! Don’tngive us wannabe action stars, give us actual ones. As it is, The Expendables 3nwas a slap in the face to its target audience; it’s the complete opposite ofnwhat it should have been. You might have a laugh or two; mainly when you hear Arnoldnscream “Get to the Choppa!”, but for the most part this Expendables film is actuallynextremely expendable. Next!

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nRating: 2 out of 5

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