Marriage is a beautiful union that brings a man and woman from different backgrounds together. It is therefore important to make a conscious effort to better it.
Key Points
Table of contents
1. Remember your best times.
However, marriage is not a bed of roses, and I believe the best times are more Every marriage has its vicissitudes, and sometimes these very skirmishes spoil the beautiful and lovely marriage we have long dreamed about if not handled effectively. In spite of all these, we can build a strong marriage if we only understand or have it in the back of our minds that we are in it to complement each other.
Remembering your best times is a great way to strengthen your marriage. This is most effective when it is done by both spouses together. Remembering those best times makes things feel fresh and new, like when you first met. There is nothing more fun than being in each other’s arms and sharing your best times together. It is a good reflection, and it makes a day great.
Some of these memorable occasions could be
- When you first met
- The first time you kissed
- Your first date
- Your wedding day
- The first night of your wedding
- You honeymoon
- When you were expecting your first child and when he or she finally arrived.
All these great moments in your marriage are to prove how far you have come as couples. There is nothing more refreshing than to love and be loved; it brings some sense of security, confidence, and assurance. Bringing to mind your best times would not occur naturally most of the time, but there are some activities you can do together that can help you reflect on those memorable occasions.
Looking at your photos together. Pictures do not lie; they are a great way to reflect on the past, bringing to mind forgotten times. Looking at your pictures would help tell how both of you have changed or improved physically. It also helps to make fun of each other; this occurs naturally without any struggle or fear. Pictures have a fine and funny way of bringing back to memory those fun moments that have been forgotten.
This act bonds both of you together in a very beautiful and special way.
- When you visited those places, you had nice times. These places take you back into memory of how you celebrated your love and enjoyed yourselves; they bring back the spirit of love and serve as a period of relaxation for both of you.
- Going on a family vacation with your kids
- Watching your wedding video together.
- Attending a friend’s party or wedding together.
Remembering your best times influences your marriage greatly by rekindling your love life. The desire for each other increases, and the longing to be with, share, hold, and care for each other is motivated. It also makes your home lovely and the best place you will always long to be.
Further, hope and trust are built. That better future you always dreamed of in your marriage is assured, and strong faith in each other is brought to light.
It helps to keep the vowel and the promises you made to each other. Your vowels and promises are always brought to mind, and actions are being taken to fulfill them.
When remembered, beautiful times bring health to the body and cheer to the brokenhearted.
2. Consider things from your spouse’s perspective.
Men and women are entirely different species. Their natural makeup affects their actions, thought patterns, and vision. No two people are the same; as husband and wife, both of you are entirely new to each other.
Women in every relationship turn out to be very emotional and examine issues critically, yet they are the weakest compared to their male counterparts, who are in some way passive and aggressive towards issues, and they appear to be the strongest in the relationship. This diversity in nature is to help them see the clear image of life when they come together as husband and wife. It is not an accident to have divergent views on life as a spouse; it is just natural that the two of you see things from a different angle.
You cannot blame yourselves for these differences but rather appreciate the fact that you are different when it comes to issues. No matter how hard you try. You cannot be the same in thought and deeds as couples; naturally, you would have to involve yourselves in each other in the following ways:
Putting yourselves in each other’s shoes Taking into account the way the other partner is feeling or taking an interest in the way your partner is doing things
- Do not be controversial.
- Do not take an entrenched position when it comes to issues.
- Be patient and tolerant.
- Have a teachable and learning spirit.
- Forget the past mistakes.
- Be open-minded.
3. Respect
Though this word may be short, it has a great impact on marital relationships. Respect is all about giving reverence to someone or being modest in attitude. Every human in this life has some level of pride and self-respect; when this standard is compromised, there are bound to be problems. In marriage, it is not how beautiful or rich you are, but your attitude in the relationship that has a greater influence.
Beauty attracts, but it takes attitude to keep a friend. In marriage, men gravitate towards respect while women gravitate towards love, and where there is no respect, love is absent. While the wife turns to respect the husband, he loves her more and more.
In building a strong love relationship with your spouse, respect should be a mutual thing. Respect in marriage is one great ingredient for a successful and happier marriage. In today’s world, divorce is on the rise because couples have lost this moral value and have taken on pride, unforgiveness, selfishness, etc.
The subject of respect in marriage is so key that it should not be overlooked. Couples need to let go of pride and should not be too wise in their own eyes.
Do not verbally abuse or assault your partner. These create a division in the home and make the children disrespectful toward the other partner. Insulting your spouse in the presence of your kids or before friends shows how fractured you are morally. Remember, you are a role model to your children, and they might repeat it or do it in their future marriage. The other partner may feel greatly hurt because these acts are shameful and humiliating.
Exposing the weakness of your partner in an act that is damaging indirectly has a great toll on you.
Never in your life say the negative about your spouse in the presence of your kids, family, or friends, nor broadcast your spouse’s praise to other people; it is sinful and unacceptable in the sight of God.
Do not physically assault your spouse. It shows how weak you are in controlling your home and how unaccepted, unloved, and disrespected the other partner is.
Do not utter words that are so damaging or say things that bring to mind the unfortunate past. Sometimes in our anger, we say things we are not supposed to say, like “I’ve regretted marrying you”, “you are a mistake”, useless thing”, “good for nothing fool,” etc. These are heart-cutting utterances that cut to the core. Learn to control your temper and tame the tongue, please; it is a good virtue.
You might lose your spouse when you make such remarks. They are so damaging that they can cause emotional and mental trauma, and this will result in your spouse’s cold or lukewarm behaviors. If you find yourself in this situation, pray for God’s forgiveness, and He should restore your spouse. Let couples show respect to each other in a meaningful way; this should be without partiality or pretense.
4. Show love
Love is abstract and therefore can only be seen when it is expressed through actions. If you are in love with someone, you are romantically attached to them, and they are very important to you. Showing love requires that you be romantic, and being romantic means simply doing or saying things that will make your spouse feel special and loved. These acts do not require you to be that expensive; they are all about little or simple things that mean a lot. Some of these little things are
Kissing your spouse You kiss your spouse four times a day. First in the morning just after bed, secondly before setting off to work, thirdly when you arrive from work, and just before bedtime.
Give gifts. Buy gifts for your spouse; this should not only be a special occasion but a lifestyle. A gift, whether big or small, shows how much you love and cherish your spouse.
Tell your spouse sweet things. Tell your spouse how much you love him or her; use words that are refreshing and ear-tickling. Mean what you say, and let your body language reflect it as well.
Spend quality time together. It is not the length of time spent but how it was spent that gives it value. Take your spouse to dinner to watch a movie, but it should be the kind that your spouse likes: a music concert or comedy concert. Though these things are difficult for some to practice, I think it is a gradual process, and it will take practice and reading healthy material about these things to get you fully prepared.
There are many ways to be romantic; you could develop your own ways of showing your romantic nature.
5. Give care and support
Loving a person demands that their happiness be important to you, and to make up for this, you take good care of them. It is our duty to keep each other in good condition by doing the following:
- Encouragement and counsel. Spur each other on and give advice.
- Financially. Meet each other’s financial needs.
- Domestic help. Assist your spouse in cooking or doing laundry
- Training of kids. Have a common goal and method to train your kids, and these goals should not be compromised.
- Spiritually. Pray for each other and maintain the covenant.
6. Have more and better sex life
Sex cannot be separated from marriage; it is so important that you cannot underestimate this subject, and at no point in your marriage should you deprive yourselves of the pleasure of sex; it affects the health of your marriage negatively.
Sex plays a vital role in marriage and has a significant effect on the emotional, spiritual, and physical outlook of the marriage. Research has shown that married men who have more sex with their wives turn out to be more confident than their counterparts with little or no sex. If your sex is below 96 a year than you have a sexless marriage. A sexless marriage has a number of contributing factors.
Monotonous sex life
When your sexual life becomes monotonous, it simply means that it is very boring because it has a regular, repeated pattern that never changes. Variety in the way you initiate and perform sex gives it a different outlook. When sex in marriage becomes boring, the marriage also becomes boring, and there is the temptation to go out. When sex becomes monotonous, the edge and the drive to engage with each other diminish.
Issues of personal hygiene
Issues of personal hygiene have a significant effect on your sexual life. Most women complained about their husbands not bathing twice or not bathing before wanting to sleep with them. While the men claim that their wives turn out to look unattractive after marriage by leaving their hair undone and not dressing to attract, etc. Bad breath and body odor are also some of the issues complained about.
Health Problems.
When the body is sick, its functionality is greatly reduced. Health issues relating to sexual dysfunction, like erectile dysfunction, These issues affect childbirth and sexual life. Some of these sufferers of these diseases turn out to cover it up with excuses. I advise you to see an expert to help solve the problem or talk to someone you think can help.
Marriage feels hollow; happiness is incomplete when there is no sex in the marriage, or it becomes unpleasurable. However, there are several things to do to make your sex life better and more enjoyable.
Know the body of your spouse.
Couples need to be very observant of each other and have some knowledge of each other’s body types. It takes learning and communication to arrive at this point. The bodily characteristics and nature of a person influence their activations generally, so it is very important to have a fair idea of what to do to turn them on or particular parts of their bodies that turn them on.
Communication.
Your sex life won’t get better without communication; it is very important to discuss issues relating to your sex life as couples. It helps to correct and straighten mistakes committed. You can discuss your most preferred and enjoined sex position(s); it will also help greatly if you discuss the general conduct during and after your lovemaking if either of you did not meet expectations.
Learn and use new sex positions.
The use of different sex positions brings variation to your lovemaking. There are a lot of books on healthy marriage that can give you much information on this.
Warning: Please avoid the use of pornographic materials, whether books or tapes, because most of their activities are fiction and inapplicable. The use of too many sex positions should be avoided at list 2–3, which may make your lovemaking boring and frustrating.
7. Be positive and recognize that it is normal to have differences.
As couples, you need to be hopeful and confident, think of the good aspects of your marriage, and know that your positivity and negativity have a direct effect on your marriage. It is garbage in, garbage out; your mindset and proclamation about your marriage determine its success.
We are not ignorant of the fact that sometimes certain happenings make us portray negativity; we are to ignore it before it takes root and becomes destructive to the survival of the marriage. Guard and guide your hearts, minds, and tongue; teach yourselves to be positive in all situations; in no way should you dwell on the negatives of each other or take an entrenched position because your better half misbehaved.
You are only allowed to correct, not judge, and it should be done in love. Positive attitudes produce positive results, and negative attitudes produce negative results, like Newton’s law, which states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. In marriage, the more you point to the negative, the more the love dwindles.
Negativity produces limitations.
You might not see the full beauty of your spouse or the inner qualities that make up their true personality. There wouldn’t be openness, the expression of love, or the sharing of ideas and opinions.
Setbacks.
In a marriage where there is no love and no expression of ideas, there is no progress. When you are negative, it keeps you bound and nonreactive towards the progress of your marriage. How can you achieve success when you are doubtful, simply because you are being captured by fear and bitterness?
Fear and bitterness
Do not allow this destructive weapon of the devil to take root in your life. Where there is fear, there is insecurity, and the devil thrives. Most couples become bitter toward each other when they realize they are being maltreated. This keeps you bound and nonreactive towards the growth and prosperity of your marriage.
In building a strong and happier marriage, couples need to have a positive attitude; they should speak well of themselves and learn from each other. Admire and look for the positive qualities in yourselves rather than the negative. Speak positive things into your marriage and always expect the best, while also learning to take control of your tempers.
The most identical twins are not the same, and this is typical of every human due to how they were trained and the environment in which they grew up. Couples should be aware that it is normal to have misunderstandings. No marriage is immune to disagreement.
Couples should be mentally and emotionally prepared to handle quarrels because every marriage at some point in time faces this reality, but these quarrels should not be stretched but should be resolved amicably and immediately. It is very important to appreciate these quarrels; they came as a test of your love for each other and to mature you as couples.
These differences should not be allowed to cause separation between the two. Do not always want to win the argument, exercise all your rights, or think you are always right. Sometimes you have to lose the argument and overlook things just to ensure peace and harmony.
In order to nail these differences, it is very necessary to be patient and tolerant; it is also required to be temperate and accommodating in attitude.
Be ready to forget the hurt and forgive.
Relate to each other with humility and respect.
Be open-minded and do not take entrenched positions.
Warning: It is not right to quarrel in front of the kids or in public, but rather do it in your bedroom, far from the hearing of others.
